Keep Moving Forward

Catching Up

2012-01-02T15:35:00.000-08:00

Not sure if anyone reads this anymore, not that there has even been anything to read but it's still fun to "journal" on here. Life as of late...

It dawned on me last week that I have a life up here in Chattanooga. I've lived here for well over a year now (which is still odd at times to not be in Dalton) so I'm guessing it happened sometime after that. :) It was so fun being at the beach with my family (aside from the fact that I'm not the biggest fan of extended camping trips) but it was nice to come back and to see people that I've grown close to over the last (almost) 2 years. Some over just the last 6 months or so.

In October, a week after a the joyous union of Scott and Leslie (WOOOO HOOOOOOO-thoughts of that wedding and what God has done still bring me such joy), there were 11 of us that went to Blue Ridge for a weekend getaway. It was FABULOUS. Those that have children left them at home and we just went to have a relaxing time filled with laughter. After praying about that trip for a few months, it was evident that God answered those prayers. We laughed, played games, laughed, slept (a little) and laughed a little more. Below is the only group shot we took and a picture of all of us girls before we went out on Saturday night.

In December, a dear friend that God blessed me with last February, got married to a wonderful man. It was such a fun wedding party and that weekend was also filled with laughter, prayer and dancing! I was also fortunate to learn a little Spanish from some new friends that were with Mandy, the bride, in Peru while she served there for 2 years. This picture sums up Friday night and Saturday....all day. :)

All in all, 2011 ended in a fabulous manner. At times, I've become restless and weary because life isn't how I had planned it. Can I just say that I'm thankful that I don't get to plan it all out....sometimes that's easier said that actually lived out but it's true. If things were like I had originally intended or hoped, I probably wouldn't have met and grown close to some of the amazing men and women that God has brought into my life.

What does 2012 hold? Well, I'm glad you asked...Kimberly and Tony have a little one due in June so that is so stinkin exciting! Another good friend from college is expecting in May! Ladies, there must be something in the water so look out! One of my dear friends up here in Chattanooga got engaged this past Friday to a wonderful, God fearing man. So preparing for her wedding will be a blast! Two dear guy friends (the younger and older brothers I never wanted....at least that's what I tell them) will be marrying lovely young women who truly love the Lord so that will be a blessing as well.

I'll be facilitating our small group for a month or two (for one assessment/study) until God either brings a man to lead (I won't lead a co-ed group) or until we're supposed to dissolve into other groups. It's a wonderful peace to know that He's got it.

Here's to a new year, new opportunities and new perspectives. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

all over the place.

2011-08-03T15:59:00.000-07:00

since when is this blog not sporadic?

10 lbs down....90 to go. But hey, I'm 1/10 of the way there! Over the next 11.5 weeks there are SO many things happening. The first event is a big move. God opened the door for me to move in with one of my best friends, Cara, at the end of this month. The way it has worked out has been nothing short of God. I am reminded quite often as to just how faithful He is. I remember singing "He's An On Time God" at the choir reunion and an tearing up as I think of the lyrics. He really is. The last few weeks, it has been evident to see his hand at work. I know that He's always at work in the world around us but it's such an encouragement to actually see it.

Keeping with the chaos, here's most of my schedule from now til the end of October. Just off the top of my head, there are 3 birthday celebrations, at least 1 bridal shower & 3 weddings. Not to mention, 2 weeks off of the phones at work (can I get a WHOO HOO?!?!) to help new hires in OJT (on the job training). That last part is kinda terrifying but a great opportunity. Those are just the things I can think of at the moment. It will all be great things, just a bit tiring/overwhelming at times.

At the end of that time span, I am so excited to say there is a trip planned and reserved for a weekend away with some very dear friends from Chattanooga. It's just a simple weekend in Blue Ridge, Ga. but I have to admit, that cabin is not too shabby. :)

Here's to apparently even more new beginnings and the joy of the Lord that has been revealed even more lately.

3 Down

2011-07-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I officially started back to Weight Watchers on Tuesday, July 5. Seriously, who wants to start any type of diet or anything right before or on a holiday? Not this chick! The goal is to lose 100 lbs. Ugh, it bugs me to have to type that but it is what it is. Only thing to do from here is lose it. So 3 down and 97 to go. Gotta start somewhere.

Short and sweet...it is possible!

Repeat...New Beginnings...AGAIN!

2011-06-28T19:00:00.001-07:00

It's no secret that consistency is something that I struggle with. Doubt me? Look at the track record but I won't point that out here....not the point. :) A while back I kept track of my weight loss goals and milestones and like many other things, that took a back seat to other things that seemed more captivating.

That being said, I will be using this blog as my sense of accountability with it. To keep track of the journey of getting unfat....again. Yes, I know unfat isn't a word but since when has that stopped me before? Some might view it as getting healthy and yes, that's the number one focus. To be healthy and in good shape. The goal is to do another half in January or February of 2012 but to get in that condition, it will require the start of training and losing weight. Sadly, they go hand in hand. :D

Lately, I've had a pity party in this aspect of my life. Allowing myself to feel defeated because I've completely reversed all the good done since 09. That was accepting the circumstance and not conquering. No more. That crap is for the birds. It doesn't define me. Christ defines me based on the sacrifice He made for our sins on the cross. The future doesn't define me (regardless of if I'm ever super thin, married, huge, single, etc). Matthew 6:33-34 is my new core verse. "³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

With that, it's not about the circumstances, it's about God's purpose & bringing glory to Him. Here's to becoming healthy and getting thin to accomplish more things that He has allowed me more time on this earth to do. To glorify Him in living life...in order to do that, being healthy is a must.

WOO HOO! Here's to new mercies and new opportunities. I have to believe....He's got it.

*Jen

HIS timing.

2011-01-25T15:48:00.000-08:00

I find it humorous that I so often try to plan things out and try to imagine where I'll be down the road. Whether it's next week or next year, I really have no clue. A year ago, I was going to team meetings for a dear friend's Tres Dias weekend, working part time and going to school full time. Little did I know that a new friend would invite me to her small group about a week later and then so much would change. I was also still coming to terms with the fact that my file would be closed with the adoption reunion registry due to no response from either biological parent. Since then, I have a full time job in Chattanooga, a new church family, have met my biological mother (& the rest of our biological family on that side), spoken to my biological father on multiple occasions and have moved to Chattanooga and basically started a new life for myself...only by the grace and guidance of God.
Had someone told me a year ago that this is where I'd be, I would have laughed at them...a lot. It all comes down to HIS timing and HIS grace. That's the only explanation as to why I'm here now. Recently I have doubted the decision to move and questioned the reasons of this transition. Sadly, I must admit that I had let frustration set in on with where God has me. Ready for this? I'm not perfect and am far from it actually. Shocking, I know. :) It's mind blowing to sit back and think about the fact that He has a plan. Always has, always will. Not only does he have a plan, but it's not a plan that will change on a whim. With that, after some fit pitching and venting...and major needed time in the word, I'm making the choice to embrace what HIS timing has brought. Thankfully, He knows what He is doing. What's next? Don't as me. :)

Really?

2010-07-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

It's been over a week since the letter was mailed and I can honestly tell you that I'm still amazed at what God has done and is continuing to do. He's had this entire situation worked out since before my birth.

I got a phone call last Friday afternoon and when I sit and think hard about it, I still cry a little. Good/happy tears though. The phone call was from my biological mother. It's still so hard to believe that I have now spoken with her multiple times. Everything has still been surreal until the last day or so. Yes, things are still sinking in but nerves are starting to make me very ancy(sp?).

I won't put too many personal details in but she did say she knew that day would always come. She ended up telling my older brother later that day and he received the news really well. Surprisingly, I got a message from his girlfriend just hours after I spoke to my biological mother and she's been so sweet! I've talked to both of them and it's been very encouraging. My older brother and I have mutual friends and it's all so funny to think about how we look so much alike but no one would have ever thought to put the pieces together.

It's comforting to know that my biological mother knew who I was my entire life, somehow. She basically kept tabs on me up until I moved...she even knew about my wreck. For so long I struggled with wondering why I was given up and I think that led to a lot of insecurities and fear of rejection growing up and even still today. That's just how my mind was twisting the reality. I found out when I was 17 as to why she gave me up and I'm forever grateful for what she did. It was the best thing for her, my bro. and me.

I'll be meeting my biological mother next Saturday for dinner and then the rest of her side of the family the following weekend. Am I nervous? Absofreakinlutely! But I know that things will be alright. God didn't bring us this far for things to unravel. Here's the more pieces fitting together!

Blah

2010-07-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

That's how I feel tonight, just blah. I'm second guessing my decision to send the letter all together. Should I have done that? Did that add more pressure to my biological mother to make a decision she didn't want to make? Was that fair to her? This is all assuming she signs for the letter.

I feel as though I was too selfish in sending the letter. It's nice knowing that I tried every way possible but that's making it only about me. I'm now worried that she might feel ashamed for the past or of what her son will think of her IF she tells him. Too little too late now. Searching for them might have been a mistake but I can't take it back. HOPEfully, things will go smoothly one way or another and hearts will be guarded no matter what.

Perspective

2010-07-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

I'm selfish. There, I said it. I don't like trying to see things from the perspectives of others at times because then I have to be understanding. For a while now I didn't think very highly of my biological father because as far as I understood, he was the jerk that didn't care enough to even sign away his rights to me.

A week ago, not only did I find him but I found out that he has been under the impression for the last 25 years that I was aborted. His and his family's world was turned upside down last week when I found him on Facebook. I can't imagine what that feels like. I've known about him my whole life, well, just the fact that he was out there somewhere. He had no real clue about me. Needless to say, it's been interesting getting to know him through messaging. Last night , I got to have a verbal conversation I NEVER thought would happen. HOPED for but after multiple failed attempts to find him, did I really think it would take place? Not really.

It was so strange but in a good way. He asked how I was handling all of the information from the past week and then asked about how my family was taking it all. He seems considerate and thankful. His family seems to be adjusting to the shock of everything so far and hopefully will continue to do so. As for what's next, just getting to know everyone...I guess. Still not sure what to do with all of this.

Today...Today's a day that my biological mother will probably get the letter I sent her. I'm so nervous. I want so badly to get a call from her tonight. If this is the only call she ever makes, I think I'd be ok with that. I have no clue as to how she's going to react to the letter. Maybe it will help nudge her to tell my half brother about me. If not, she has her reasons and I can't blame/judge her for that. Seeing things from her perspective are just as difficult because I don't know what it would feel like to have given a child up over 25 years ago and then have that child try to find me. More waiting...

Peace, that's what I feel because I've now made every attempt to find both sides of my biological family. It's a wonderful and strange feeling but I'll take it. I'm so thankful for God's timing in this and am still so excited about what He has in store for the future. Hope for the future is NEVER lost.

Now What?

2010-07-19T14:48:00.000-07:00

Today was the day that confirmed it all. I can now say that I know who my entire immediate biological family is! It's the strangest thing and I'm still at a loss for the proper description. I'm definitely thankful to now have answers but now what? What am I supposed to do with all of the information that I have? Where do we all go from here? I never thought about that...I just focused on finding them, not what would follow...

As for things with my biological father and his family, we're just going to take things slowly and get to know one another. He seems very happy to have this chance now and his wife and daughter have taken it well.

I'll be sending a letter to my biological mother tomorrow that basically says that I found my biological father and with talking to him and the info. I've gathered over the years, I was able to find out who she and my brother are. Now that 2 people in that area know, other than me, there's always the chance of it getting out in a small town. I just don't want either of them to be caught off guard. Especially if she never told him, which I don't think she did. I HOPE she will tell him but am trying to be understanding of the fact that she will have her reasons if she chooses not to. I would love to develop a friendship with them as well but only time will tell.

The next week or so will be a great time to continue to just take it all in and process all that has transpired since Wednesday and to try and figure out what the next steps should and will be. I know for certain that I am thankful that God has brought me this far and isn't finished with this yet. As Nancy said, "He's an on time God." So finding out all of this now has been for a reason. What's next? No clue but I have a peace now to have some of the answers I've been longing for over the years. Thank you Lord!

Confirmation...Well, kinda.

2010-07-19T05:45:00.001-07:00

Wow. Later on Friday night, after posting the last one, I received confirmation on names and am 99.9% sure of who my biological birth mother and half brother are. Little things are still clicking and it's the strangest feeling. Unless this is one of the biggest coincidences EVER, I found my entire immediate biological family within 4 days! Did you catch that? 4 DAYS!

In some ways I feel as though I expected and others, not at all. In all honesty, I thought I'd be perfectly happy just know who they were and that they're ok. I'm glad they're ok, from what I can tell, but I want more. I long to know them and what they're like. I know that I favor what she used to look like (from what my bio. father says) and look a lot like the bio. brother now. I also know that my half bro. is musically inclined. But I want to know their passions and personalities. I know that they're both believers though so that's a wonderful thing! As for my bio. father, I'm not sure yet. Waiting to ask that question because I don't know what his experiences with the church has been.

This week, we're hoping to hear back from the registry to confirm a few things. Then I guess we'll do a DNA test but I really have no clue. As for my bio. mother and brother, I am not sure what to do. I'm going to talk to the registry to see what they suggest but I think I'm going to ask them to contact her so she'll know that I know who they are. I had people looking into it for me so they know as well. I trust they won't tell but don't want my bio. brother to find out from anyone other than her.

I really wish I knew someone who had been in a similar situation. It's all still a weird feeling...and so many emotions all at once. Not a horrible feeling. Yes, there are some fears and concerns I have but I'm thankful to know all that I know now.

I got a message from my bio. father last night about his biological family. Turns out he was the product of a one night stand and his dad was in the Navy. I couldn't help but laugh and be thankful that generational thing stopped with me.

Today is when I'm hoping to hear something from the Registry and let them know about my knowledge of my bio. mother & bother. Hopefully they can give me some guidance on what the next step would be. I know what I WANT to do, but I doubt that's what I SHOULD do.

Thanks again to everyone for your prayers and encouragement.

Love-Jen.

Hope For The Future is NEVER Lost

2010-07-16T17:14:00.000-07:00

I read that line in one of my bibles. It was at the end of the Hosea introduction section. This was about 2 weeks ago and God has continued to give me the word "Hope" since then.

There's going to be a lot of "IFs" in this one so be ready...plus it might get kinda lengthy but oh well, so do most of my conversations. :)

I started an official search for my biological parents in May of 2009. After one week, they found my birth mother but she wasn't sure how she felt about contact because my biological half (older) brother didn't know I existed. He was just under the age of 2 when I was born. The registry was unable to locate my birth father because of the limited information that was provided back then.

On Tuesday night, I messaged a few men with the name of my biological father. I just asked if he was in the Army and stationed @ Ft. Benning back in 84/85. I got a response back from one of them..."Yes, I was." That then led to me telling him I was looking for my biological father and his response was so unexpected. He was shocked but excited because he was under the impression that the pregnancy had been terminated when it was actually his birth rights to me. As for how I found out his name, let's just say it's good to be from a small town...someone messed up and mentioned his name in a voicemail when I was trying to get my records opened. I didn't feel the need to tell her she broke the law. :) I actually deleted that voicemail within the last week. I had been saving it just because it was the only proof I had of his name.

My potential biological father is now married and has a 21 year old daughter. His wife and daughter have taken the unexpected news very well. So IF he's my biological father, I have a biological half (younger) sister...wow.

LOTS of the puzzle pieces seem to be fitting together and if this isn't him, I'm going to be extremely shocked. According to him, I look a lot like my biological mother. I believe that b/c when the Ga. Reunion Adoption Registry found her last May and she gave a physical description of herself that was a lot like my own.

IF, this man turns out to be my biological father, my biological mother is probably from my hometown. I was thinking for the last several years that she was from Carroll County and was looking there for info on my half brother. IF all this checks out, I have a good idea as to who my biological half brother is. We look a lot alike...I'm hoping to find out the name of the guy's mom over the weekend. IF it is what my potential biological father said, a lot more will check off...IF not, there are still possibilities in this.

A sweet friend told me a few times during the past 2 days that, "He's an on time God." She's so right and I'm so thankful for that reminder and I get caught up in the excitement and more waiting.

In all honesty, the excitement is starting to settle and reality is setting in. So many things I thought about my potential biological father(IF this turns out to be him), are probably wrong. He does care that I'm alive and well. He had no clue that I even existed up until 2 days ago. The fact that they couldn't find him in time, is more proof that God intended me to be with the Godwin family and I couldn't be more thankful for that. I even told my potential birth father that had he gotten to pick, he couldn't have picked a better one for me.

I could actually know who my biological half brother is and I must say, I'm so relieved to know that I never dated him when I still lived in Haralson County. Ha! Like I said, many pieces seem to be fitting together but only time will tell. I didn't know it was possible to feel so many different emotions all at once...overwhelmed, excitement, joy, confusion, exhaustion (not much sleep has taken place, but it's been worth it), and etc.

Another thing that came to mind is what IF, this woman is my birth mother but was with other men during that time? This kind man, who firmly believes that I'm his biological daughter, might not be my biological father after all. Either way, a DNA test will be done at some point.

Here's to a weekend of even more prayer and reading more as more waiting continues.

As for my family...they're amazing. They have been nothing but encouraging and supportive over the last 25 years as I have always been curious about my biological family. They're really excited (& cautious) about the process and I couldn't be more thankful for all they've done.

Thanks again to everyone who's been praying during this time!

8 years ago.

2009-09-21T05:46:00.000-07:00

This time 8 years ago, I was getting ready for my first competition as color guard captain. Little did I know that I wouldn't get to compete at all. This coming Sunday, September 27, will mark the 8 year anniversary of my car accident. The accident that caused multiple scars, a broken arm, shoulder blade and a broken neck. I always start thinking back around this time every year and am filled with thankfulness for life in general. It's such a precious gift that I take for granted too often. When I look at the pictures of the car or my scars even, I'm reminded of just how blessed I am to not only be alive but to be walking as well.

For a while I struggled with my scars, hating the way they looked and the fact that they were permanent. That was probably due to some jerk suggesting I go ahead and get the ones on my face taken care of. I was 16 at the time and what 16 year old girl longs for scars? Ha. I actually had a conversation about the wreck with some new guy friends not too long ago and they said they had never noticed the scars on my face. They don't know how much that means to me. In the back of my mind, I still have some insecurities about them from time to time. But I'd take these scars any day! They serve as a reminder that I'm supposed to still be here and that God isn't finished with me yet.

This week I'm purposing the have a thankful heart and attitude. No, life isn't perfect but it's life and filled with blessings that I take for granted each day. Reflecting on this causes me to look back at the times I've clearly seen God's hand intervening on my behalf. All starting from even before I was born...that will be in a post another day this week. :) Praising Him today for His love and faithfulness.

Back from the blogging grave...

2009-09-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

Guess who! Yep, yours truly. After talking with some sweet ladies this past weekend, I was reminded of how therapeutic blogging really is. So it's back to the blogging grindstone for multiple reasons. Reason one the whole therapeutic thing. Reason two is that I feel disconnected from several people due to my odd schedule with school, work, studying and running, it's hard to make time to keep in touch as much as I'd like.

Life is great and such a blessing. Yeah, I have my down days but I'm thankful. Mom, Dad and I were talking about the reasons God has had His hand on us so evidently over the years and while we don't have a definite answer that we can comprehend but we are so thankful. Over the next few weeks I'm going to post a few of the updates in specific segments so the blogs don't run too terribly long or get jumbled...so in those will be examples of the thankfulness.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for the weekend to go with the BCM to Fall Conference. It's basically a weekend conference for all of the BCM's in the Southern Baptist District to attend and get renewed. I'm looking forward to it, even though I am the "old lady" of the group. I've had to mentally prepare myself to see people that I used to teach in children's choir because some of them are in college now....sheesh. Either way, it will be a great bonding weekend with some of the DSC gang and hopefully a renewing time in Christ.

Alive and Well

2009-02-03T05:48:00.000-08:00

Wow...where does the time go? So much for keeping up with the blogs last year! I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and have great expectations for 2009. Life has been insanely busy and I've been adjusting to this whole "student life" thing again. In all honesty, it's not what I had bargained for but I'm thankful. I've missed blogging. I don't even really care about the comments and such, it was a nice outlet somedays.

The first semester back went well and my GPA went up for sure. This semester is more of a challege so it's definitely taking some getting used to. For those of you who don't know, I finally declared a major. Drum roll please.............Social Work. The plan is to work in hospitals with children and possibly teens. It won't be an easy roade do to the spanish class requirements but I'm excited about it. It's nice to have a goal in sight and to be working toward it. Please remind me of that when my stress level hits the roof. :)

I had planned on adding more today but I'm running out of time and need to go look over things before class. Here's hoping for more consistant blog updates this year and for more blog checks...I have slacked off on doing that too. I make no promises though. :)

Have a fabulous Tuesday!

I was tagged!

2008-09-30T15:32:00.000-07:00

The Five Tag...I haven't made the time to finish this until today...so here it is!

10 years ago I:

1. was in 8th grade. I'm the baby of the bunch.

2. met my future brother in law.

3. was the "new kid" at school.

4. played softball...a lot. I was on a traveling team and played for the school.

5. talked a lot. Not much has changed there.

5 things on today's "to do" list:

1. clean.

2. study. Oh the joys of being a student again!

3. go to the book fair with Mom, Tammy & the girls.

4. write some cards.

5. sleep.

5 snacks I enjoy:

1. guacamole and chips.

2. twix.

3. fruit but I don't always opt for it.

4. cookies.

5. strawberry cream slush from Sonic!

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:

1. Buy my own house.

2. Pay for Mom and Dad's remodeling of their house.

3. Pay off Tammy & Eric's house.

4. Pay off school debt and for further education.

5. Give. (Church, missions, shelters, friends, etc.)

5 places I have lived:

1. 64 Reid Circle

2. 8 Spring Bluff

3. 1306 Sherwood Dr.

4. Dorm 25-1 @ Liberty University.

5. 1705 Oakmont

5 jobs I have had:

1. Tallapoosa City Hall

2. Tallapoosa Golf Course (it was kinda included with City Hall)

3. Curves.

4. Movie Gallery.

5. RPT, Inc.

A Little Taste of Motherhood

2008-09-06T06:44:00.000-07:00

Moms...for the past 2 days I've gotten a little taste of what you experience at times. What's that? Lack of privacy. Thursday night Maddie and Ella spent the night at our house so yesterday morning they were playing in the house while Dad and Eric were working outside. So I was getting a shower before work and next thing I know Ella is in my bathroom asking me to fasten her belt. Thankfully it's not a clear glass door!! Rather surprised I opened the door slightly and said, "Ella I'm a little busy at the moment can I help you when I get out?" Her sweet reply was of course yes. When I was done I walked into the kitchen and asked what I needed to help them with. I was then told Pop went ahead and did it for them. My response? "Ask Pop first next time!"

This morning I was getting a shower. Next thing I know I hear footsteps in my bathroom. It's Ella...AGAIN. Her reason was to tell me, "We're here!" Seriously? It just makes me laugh now but from now on I think my room door will be locked. That way I don't have anymore surprise visits.

Moms, I'm sorry that you have to experience this sort of awkwardness often.

God's Timing-Just For Me

2008-09-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed. Yes, I screw up and do it often but am so thankful for the grace of our God. My family is so encouraging as are some very precious friends. I was able to talk to 2 very great ladies(you know who you are) tonight about some stuff and parts of what they said was reaffirmed when I was reading the intro to the study we're going to do in Sunday School. The study is called Jaded and it looks like it's going to be goooood! The author asks us to write down about some of our disappointments and how we felt after them. He then asks us how God has reacted after we disregarded Him and about paint we've experienced from that. A little bit later there were a few lines that struck me...tonight these words were "just for me." "He chose-and still chooses- to engage with people even when they hurt Him through their disobedience. He doesn't give up, He still moves forward."
How awesome is that? I've been praying for a desire to thirst for God more and tonight He showed me where I needed to start! He knows that I screw up and am one inconsistant woman but doesn't give up on me. He still moves forward. Sounds like a familiar blog title? Oh wait...yep, sure does. I haven't been living by this lately. I have gotten so frustrated with myself about backsliding in different areas. I focus on the negative rather than the positive at times and that's going to cease. God doesn't focus on it...He chooses to "keep moving forward." For that I am so thankful and love the fact that we get to start anew. I'm looking forward to diving into this study and to see what God has in store for all of us as the year progresses! Now it's time for bed...tomorrow is my craziest day of the week.

Back by popular demand...

2008-08-07T18:52:00.000-07:00

Ha...ok not really popular demand but nonetheless, I'm back baby! I've felt so busy lastely and by the end of the day when had some time to blog I either didn't feel like it or just went to bed. Where do I start? I'm officially a college student again!! Can you believe it? I've paid for my classes, bought 3 of my books and got my student ID. I'm giddy with excitement and that's just strange. Crud, does this mean I'm going to be a nerd? In all honesty, I hope so. I have a desire to learn and move forward with my life. I'm striving for all A's...and that A does NOT stand for absent this time. :)

With the bible study we've been doing, "no other gods," God has shown me what I've been putting before him and how I've not been trying to see things through His eyes. That's my prayer now, that He will give me His eyes so I can see things with more understanding and love. Compassion for others has increased as has conviction of my poor attitude with people who get on my nerves. Be careful what you as for! My patience for others has even increased some so that's a plus! I'm trying to enjoy life and making a choice to do so every day and be thankful. God has me in the place for a reason and I'm choosing to be happy about it, no matter what place everyone around me is in. It's really neat to stop and look around and see how God has been weaving the parts of our lives and how it all clicks. He really does care about our day-to-day.

Disney World countdown...34 days!!!! I am so looking forward to that trip with my awesome family. It will be entertaining to say the least.

Until next time...

So long summer...

2008-07-16T16:49:00.000-07:00

I'm about to go do some 1 mile thing with Mom and Dad at Walnut Square Mall so that's why I'm up this stinkin early on a Saturday.

Wow. Life has seemed so busy lately and I just haven't made time to post on here. I can't believe it's the middle of July...that means school starts one month from yesterday! Let's see...

Last weekend was SETN Tres Dias weekend #30 for the men and from what I've heard, God definitely showed up in mighty ways! The women's weekend is actually in progress right now and I can't wait to hear about how He has worked!! Please pray for those working and the women going through. I so look forward to hearing about how God worked in and through those women!!! Oh yeah, I had mentioned two of my guy friends, Drew & Brandon, were going through this men's weekend but something came up for both of them so they're now planning to go through weekend #31...here's hoping.

So this one is short and sweet. That's a first! Mainly because I have to head to that run/walk thing. More posts to follow...

VACATION!!!

2008-06-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

I'm in Florida til Thursday and must say that I'm loving it very much. We left out Saturday morning and went to the beach yesterday & today. We've also layed out on the dock a bit. Oh and get this, I have already read 1 book and have started another. I CAN READ!!! I know that was doubted by some (my brother in law was probably one). We've watched movies and played games and have just enjoyed being awaya!! I do miss my family, I'm not going to lie. I'm so blessed by them and am so stinkin thankful for where God has brought us from and to where we are now. We actually kinda like each other. :) Maddie and Ella both asked me yesterday after finding out I was in Florida, "Are you at Disney World without us?" There was some disappointment in their voices. It was sweet, they are precious and no, I'm not at Disney World without them. Mom, Dad, Tammy & even Eric...I miss y'all too and look forward to seeing you as well. :) Maddie Belle & Ella Bella, I can't wait to see you and show you your surprises. Be sweet and pick on Pop & Daddy for me while I'm gone.

Random sidenote...

It's crazy how thigns can change. Later on this week it will mark 1 year since I met him. A few months later most of us thought he was "the one." We're not for one another and that's been confirmed many times. Wade told me back in Feb. that he was part of the healing process and that God used him to put some pieces back together. I'm still thankful for those words, Wade.

I've been over it for awhile but am really excited about what the future holds. Yeah, I get impatient at times...hard to believe huh? Haha. I know that God has something great in store and look forward to that. It won't be easy but it will be right and God ordained. How could it be any better?

Well gangstas, after rambling I'm going to sign off and enjoy more vacation.

Peace Out.

One Week & Counting!!!

2008-06-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

Yep, get ready...to be bitter. J/K. In just 7 days I'll be at the beach!!!! Oh yeah, by the way, I'm pretty stinkin excited (as if you couldn't tell). I'm quite thankful for this trip I must say. I'll be going to Florida with Kimberly & her parents for a week. Where if Florida? Does it really even matter? If so, sorry cuz I don't remember the name of the town. All I remember is that we're staying at Kimberly's Mawmaw's and it's on the east coast. The time is great because we'll be getting some much needed R & R plus a tan the just before Alfred & Heidi's wedding.

This morning was the Riverbend Run and I must say it was quite enjoyable. Mom and I participated in it with Dad. Just to clarify, he did the 10K and we did the 5K. It was a little tougher than expected but didn't kill us!!! I think this was my first one since last year's Peachtree. My official time was 37:28 and I'm rather happy with that. It was fun spending the morning w/Mom & Dad after the race. Oh and Pop placed 3rd in his age group!!! It was also neat because as I was jogging over the bridge I saw Brittany's husband, Jimmy. Brittany if you were there I hate that I didn't get to see you & Ada!

Towards the end of the race I saw father and his little girl and they reminded me so much of Dad and me at my first race. The dad, Hunter, kept encouraging his daughter, Savannah, to keep going and that they were almost there. "Just a little bit longer, you're doing great." Well, I usually talk to strangers. Surprised? Didn't think so. :) So I started to tell her she was doing great and asked them their names. I also told Hunter that he reminded me of my father and assured him that was a good thing. It was a rather heart warming finish to that race and made my heart smile.

Ok peeps, I'm off to bed. Getting home after midnight last night and getting up at 6:00 this MORNING don't mix well...

Keep it real.

All I can say is wow...

2008-06-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

He knows what we need! I had planned to just crash early but didn't that didn't happen. I decided to get out an old journal and start that back up again. In the process I found something I forgot purchasing months ago. A book by Beth Moore, "Discovering God's Purpose for your Life."

Hello! Coincidence? I think not! It was like one of those big flashing billboards that Tammy and I want sometimes. "My determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person." Philippians 3:10 (Amplified Bible) Beth talks about how there is a constant dispute going on within us between our inner man & things of the Spirit. To truly know our purpose we are to truly know God. In knowing his character, we are to learn his plans. DUH! This has been said to me by others before in different words and it was like a light bulb went off above my head...ding ding ding!!!

Then when I signed on here I saw two precious comments that reaffirmed God's knowing his plans and that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. God used you two ladies tonight in that!

A lot of you know the main thing I said after going through Tres Dias. "I got my joy back." Well this quote from the book makes me all happy inside. "He is determined to pursue you because He knows the greatest joy in your life will come from His plan for you."

Isn't God great? He meets us where we are and always comes through!

Sleep Sweet.

Life

2008-06-09T19:39:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been kinda blah. In all honesty, I don't know all of why I feel this way. Part of it is because the devil is trying to get at me like he does us all. Today marked 5 years from my high school graduation and I'm not anywhere close to where I feel I should be. I'm frustrated with myself for getting so far off track. College diploma? Nope. Married? Nope. Permanent job? Nope. Oh and I started to backslide with my eating and have gained a little weight back...that's just frustrating because I knew I was doing it and at the time I didn't do anything about it.

As I was typing the above, God reminded me of something that I've been ignoring all day...Whose standards do we compare to? The world's. I'm human and I admit it and it just ticks me off. I'm unorganized, selfish, petty and the list goes on. Thankfully there is God that loves me and has a plan...I just wish I knew what that plan was. There is no need to compare myself to anyone's life because mine is different. Please pray that the Lord's plan will be revealed to me or that I would receive some sort of peace or direction about where I'm going. I must say, I'm glad HE knows and is in control because there is no telling what kind of trouble I'd be in if it were up to me!

What now? I'm back on the healthy wagon, trying to dive deeper in the the Word (easier said than done for me) and am about to sleep. The only option is to hold tight to the Father and to keep moving forward right? Grrrr...sometimes words come back to bite ya in the rear? It sure does make feeling sorry for yourself hard to do. Started this one out all bummed and am kinda refreshed now. He's a great God huh?

Holla!
Jen

Thank You. Hold up, I'm a redneck...Thank Y'all.

2008-05-29T05:09:00.001-07:00

I went back and forth about posting this before or after work and have a little time so here it goes...

Thank you all for your support and encouragement with my weight loss/getting healthy. I have appreciated you more than you know. It's been so helpful to me to keep going with it on days that I get frustrated. Special props goes out to Mom who has been awesome but we already knew that!!

It's official folks, I stepped on the scale this morning. 20 POUNDS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 20.2 to be exact but who's counting? Oh wait, that'd be me! :)

*Jen-Dawg (Oh, that's my nickname from Ryan...it's fun.)

Reflections

2008-05-27T19:52:00.001-07:00

Something to ponder...what do you reflect?

I want to share with you something from a bible study I'm doing. It really reminded me of something me tonight! It's one that I felt called to go through again. "Becoming a Woman of Purpose"

2 Corinthians 3:18
"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit"

"The on marvelous secret of a holy life lies not in imitating Jesus, but in letting the perfections of Jesus manifest themselves in my mortal flesh. Sanctification is "Christ in you." It is HIS wonderful life that is imparted by faith as a sovereign gift of God's grace." - Oswald Chambers

I'll be the first to admit that I do not always reflect the Lord's glory. But that is a growing desire of mine. He has blessed me with so much more than I ever could deserve and I don't show enough gratitude or praise for that. By wearing my emotions on my sleeve, it's evident to others where my heart is that day...and all too often it's not glorifying God. His glory reigns and is shown in everything around us. Whether it be from the smile and laugh of a child or in the gorgeous stars at night. So let's try and reflect that gorgeous glory of our creator!!

"To God be the glory great things he hath done." ----TRUE THAT YO!

*Jen

GirlsJust Wanna Have FUN!!

2008-05-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

These two little girls bring so much joy to the lives of my family and many others. I've said it before and will many times more...I love them "a whole stinkin bunch!" There really is never a dull moment in our crazy family. Below are just a few pictures of the past few weeks..

Here's Ella the day she got her ears pierced! She's looking so grown up and is definitely a big ole mess!

Maddie and I chilled out at my house for a little while yesterday afternoon and took a few silly pictures...here's one that she requested be put on my blog. As many of you know, I've taught your kids to say "peace out yo" and a few other "gangsta" sayings. Maddie's peace out is a little backwards but it's so cute!

Goofy girls!!! I'm not sure what inspired the little pink and little blue riding hood attire but it certainly suits them. How cute are they?

*Jen

Tis the season..

2008-05-25T20:22:00.001-07:00

...to get married (or engaged). Fa la la la la-la la la (barf!) ONLY KIDDING! I'm in the stage of life now where it seems to be happening all around me. Well, it's been around often but I'm in the stage of life where it's more noticeable to me. HA! I'm going to be honest here and don't really expect or desire responses to this post...I'm just laying it out there. This whole blog thing is great for accountability. I'm not going to lie, it's been hard at times being the single one again. I've wanted to date some since ending things with Wes but God is showing me things. It's not the right time. I need to lay that desire at HIS feet and leave it for good. It's not about what I want. It's about serving Christ and doing work that glorifies Him. I believe that being married one day is in His plan for me but until then, I need to be focused on showing the love of Christ in a practical way.

Going back to school will also be a big time consumer! Going to classes is a must this time around...and I'm still looking forward to it. With the crazy schedule I have, I won't be able to help out with the youth anymore but God has given me a peace about that. I do hope to get plugged into some other type of ministry near by though. Please pray for God's guidance there as well.

OH, back to the wedding thing(A.D.D!!! A.D.D!!!) ...I'm one of the 2 maids of honor for Kimberly and am super excited about that. It will be fun to help plan things over the next 11 months and to keep her sane!! It's really great to see her with Tony. They truly love one another and it's such a blessing to be around the two of them. She's getting to marry her best friend and that's what she's always wanted and is what she deserves.

*Jen

YAY!!!!

2008-05-25T05:09:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited...and I just can't hide it! It's official folks, 3 guys who are very dear to me are going through the upcoming Tres Dias men's weekend!!!!!! Drew, Brandon & Whit (Lacey's brother).Please be praying for these guys and their families as the weekend draws closer. Like always, the devil is going to try and interfere. These guys all have a heart for the Lord and desire to attend (at least at the moment they want to go...they might change their mind as it approaches though.) Also, please pray for a renewing in their relationship with the Father and a clear vision for them to see His plan and open ears and hearts to hear His voice. It brings sooo much joy to my heart to just think about what all God has in store for these guys before, during and after that weekend.

*Jen

When it rains, it pours.

2008-05-12T19:09:00.000-07:00

In my blog that is. I get so caught up in things and don't think to post until it's the time of day where I don't really have the time to post. Like many of you, I'm plum tuckered out by the time I am home to stay and am ready to crash. I'm trying to catch up on reading and posting so be patient...or don't but either way, this is who I am. :)

This just in on the weight lost update...I've officially lost 16.8 lbs!!!!! I've said this to a few people, "I have more than one curve now!" I must say, that has started my day off on a happy note fo real yo! (Gotta add the gangsta when I get the chance haha.) I have to give a special shout out to Mom who has been very instrumental in this. She's held me accountable and started out counting calories for me because I wouldn't have done it. Dad has been really supportive in this whole thing as well as Tammy, Eric and Kimberly and several other people. I really appreciate all the support!!

What NOT to wear...and sweethearts.

2008-05-12T19:00:00.000-07:00

I dearly love my brother-in-law and am so glad my beautiful sister married him. We laugh a lot together and even more at one another. This is one of those times. For those of you who think my family is a bunch of rednecks...here's your proof!!!
He's been working hard on their pool lately and this was what I saw pulling in their driveway last week. In his defense, the weather was hot and humid so I guess this is what he does to stay cool. Oh and I was told that his shirt had been off earlier...eye candy? Sure thing!!

Let's just say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Many of you have heard or made comments about Maddie being a lot like Tammy and Ella being a lot like Eric. Here's more proof.

Yesterday she rolled up her pants just for the heck of it...I guess trying to act like her daddy. Oh and notice that she is sporting the one slipper on and one slipper off look. Oh dear!

As for the sweethearts...here are Maddie and Ella all smiles in the car yesterday afternoon. They are absolutely gorgeous and really are sweethearts. Girls I love you a whole stinkin' bunch!! You bring so much joy to my heart and laughter to my day. -Aunt Jen

"MSRT"

2008-04-28T19:21:00.001-07:00

Ok so I'm going to add a funny quote from Ella in this update. Thanks to Mary Beth, I am enjoying a lovely song she taught us this weekend, "SMRT, you are so smart." Well, I got Ella to sing that to Eric tonight and after singing it correctly a few times she said, "MSRT, I am so smart." I have to admit, that made me laugh...a lot.

This weekend was so much fun and such a blessing. It was nice to just get away for a few days and relax. I, along with all the other ladies, needed that. I really enjoyed getting to know you all better and just straight chillin w/my girls. Gotta keep it gangsta!!

Accountability update...I have now lost 7.6 lbs in the past 3 or so weeks so that is a nice start. I go first thing tomorrow morning to register for classes and am so excited. I'm sticking with the Psych. major but Shana made me think the other night and for that I am thankful. In all honesty, I haven't prayed about this near as much as I should have. Definitely a much needed thing. Believe me now yo, I'ma prayin!!

This weekend it gets finalized. I'm finally going to meet up with Wes in Kennesaw on Saturday to give him his stuff. It's relieving to get it over with but at the same time it's so strange. For 9 months or so, marriage was definitely the mindset I had and thought was coming but now, that mindset has to leave. I'm glad we're not together anymore and am thankful for the "signs" but I'm a girl and do miss having someone by my side at times. In all honesty, I'm finally coming into a place where I'm good with not having that extra priority in my life. With so many things changing, it gives me some time for new things. I look forward to dating again when the time is right.

So that was basically random and all over the place but seriously, did you expect anything other than that?

Peace out!

Some goals for the next year.

2008-04-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

Some may be curious as to why I'm posting these. I'm the queen of starting something and not finishing. It's a habit have had since I was a child and I don't want it anymore. I need accountability...I'm a slacker at times. I want to be a better example and witness and being a slacker doesn't necessarily help in those areas.

1. Grow closer to Christ. Sounds cheesy huh? Perhaps, but it's true. I want to know Him more and learn more about His character. Maddie really pushes me to desire that. Her thirst for knowledge in the Bible is so great. She loves Jesus and reads her Bible all the time. If a 5 year old can do that, why can't I as an adult? The Lord pursues me on a daily basis and I reject those pursuits time and time again. That's so silly and selfish of me. I want it from an earthly man but not from my Father in Heaven? That just doesn't add up. He's the one that is worth the time and effort. My focus needs to be on Him.

2. Lose weight. I want to be healthy and in shape. Yes, I DEFINITELY want to be thin but I do need to look out for my health too. I don't know what runs in my biological family and that's a little frightening. Plus, I've got 4 flipping weddings to go to over the next year(that's another blog topic in itself). One of which I am in...next April. I want to lose at least 80 lbs. 4 down...76 to go!!!! It won't be easy but it's HAS to happen.

3. Become more organized. With starting back to school I'll need it. I need an organized environment to study in and will have to keep up with more stuff from classes. This will cut down on stress levels tremendously! Again, another weak point but it will be a good thing to do.

There are many more but those are the 3 main ones for now. They are rather big ones but they are important. If you see me step out of line...pop me. I give you permission. Just don't tell Eric that ok?

Whirlwind of emotions and changes.

2008-04-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

That about sums up my life right now. I feel like such a girl. Yes, I know that's a good thing considering the fact that I am a girl but I'm sure you know what I mean. There is so much change going on right now. Change is a good thing and I'm thankful for it because God definitely uses it but it certainly seems overwhelming at times.
I don't understand how some people can't really feel emotion. It's heart breaking to think that some people in this world go through life never really caring for or deeply connecting with another human being. It really baffles me and just makes me want to cry every time I think about it. I know that God can use those people but I wonder how. What do they do about the "age of accountability?" Do they even have one? Is it possible for them to comprehend the love of Christ?
I am so thankful for where God has brought my family. He is still working and I'm so glad because there's no telling where we'd be without His hand in our lives. I look forward to seeing how He continues to work things out.
School...Yep, I'm going back to Dalton State in August-full time. I don't think I've ever been this excited about college. Hey, remind me of that in 6 months or so when I'm tired of it. :) I am basically starting over and am glad. I am trying not to look at things as if I'm behind anymore...that just bums me out and I'm not a fan of that feeling. I'm going to get my Associates Degree in Psychology. I'm not entirely certain of what I'll do with it but I'm seriously considering becoming a Child Life Specialist or a Child Psychologist. Either way, I'm really wanting to get in the mind of a child and see all the things that contribute to their behavior, thoughts and etc... I want to do what I can to help them.
Oh and we're going to re-do my room this summer. I'm looking forward to that because this room is OLD SCHOOL! Um...not that there is anything wrong with that. Ha. It's going to be a long process but it will be worth it. Plus, it looks like I'm going to be here through college so I might as well enjoy the scenery. Did I ever tell you that my family is awesome? Because they certainly are. My lovely sister helped me clean out my room on Saturday and that was a chore. That's actually what started the re-decorating discussion so I'm pumped.

Ok so that's enough rambling for this one. I'm probably about to post one or two more blogs just to get it all out. Thanks for reading and beware...If you think I'm a long winded talker, I'm sorry... it can be worse with typing. :)

Mama always said I was "special." Last night definitely proved that point!

2008-03-29T16:39:00.001-07:00

So last night I went out with some wonderful ladies for dinner and it was, as always, an absolute blast!!! It was great catching up with you all and the laughs were definitely needed. Beth, we missed you though. After dinner I went to Cyndee & David's house to anxiously await a phone call from Kimberly. Her boyfriend, Tony, had planned to propose to her last night and she said yes!! I stayed there until a little after midnight and decided to come home and crash.

As soon as I pulled into our driveway it hit me! OH SNAP!! I can't get in the front door because we don't have a front porch at the moment. It's been an eventful week at our house so the last thing I wanted to do was wake up Mom & Dad. I cringed as the garage door opened and closed but thankfully they were both sound asleep and didn't hear it. Next thing I realized was that no one has a flippin key to the back door and Mom locks it every night before going to bed. Literally holding my breath as I walk up to the door, I try to turn it and sure enough...it's locked. What should I do? If I knock then they'll have to wake up or be startled. So for some reason I decided to try and sleep in the utility room...aka Dad's office. Thankfully I had some sweat pants in my bag that I could wear. So I curled up with a blanket I found out there and used my jeans as a pillow. Sure enough, I couldn't go to sleep. My mind raced back and forth about recent events (let's just save that for another post) so I looked around the room for any other things I could wear since it was getting a little cold so thankfully I found two socks. I think one belonged to each of my parents but hey, socks are socks. I then noticed a long sleeve t-shirt on Dad's chair and thought, "SCORE!!!" So I put that over my current shirt and curled back up to try and sleep.

After sleeping about 20 minutes, I woke up. I then remembered there was a sleeping bag in the trunk of my car. Going back out to the car would require opening and closing that loud garage door again and potentially risk waking up my parents. "CRAP!" Yeah, I typed crap so don't let the little ones read this haha. At this point I got to thinking that once they saw me just laying in the floor that morning might cause a negative reaction and tons of thoughts to race through their mind so laying down might not be a good idea.

Three o'clock rolled around and I saw a light on!! Sweet action my friends, sweet action indeed. Then, the light went off. I didn't want to run up to the door and knock b/c that might freak them out at three in the morning. Soooo I sent Dad a text message asking him to unlock the door. HOME SWEET HOME! Why did I not just knock on the stinkin door when I got home? Both parents asked that question. I was trying to be nice but ended up being "special" in that moment. (I'm using Dad's definition of special in this on and it means: stupid-in a loving way of course.)

After all this rambling I do have a Jesus note to end it. I am so thankful for where the Lord has brought me. Last night gave me a very tiny glimpse to what being homeless might be like. No, I wasn't in pain or suffering but I certainly didn't like the cold, concrete floor of that utility room. I, like most Americans, am quite comfortable in my way of living. The path I was going down a few years ago would have gotten me into more trouble, in a lot of debt and more than likely separated from my family. I am soooo thankful that our Father pulled me out of that dreadful hole!! And thankful that I get to live in that comfy house with my fabulous parents.

Goodnight all. I've got some sleep to catch up on. Goodness knows I don't need two "special" moments in one week.

*Jen

I caved...

2008-03-29T10:07:00.000-07:00

Yep, I got sucked in!!! I knew it was just a matter of time before it happened...

Stay tuned.