I would be lying if I said I hadn't freaked out at times when I thought about turning 30. Is it old? Nope, but it's a milestone birthday. It's the start of a new decade and I've said before that I'm not at all where I had planned to be but lately I've really enjoyed it.
It's taken years to get to this point but I'm grateful. Is every day easy? No, life isn't perfect for anyone. And on those hard days, I will be honest and say that it takes every ounce of willpower not to hit a 20 year old that tells me, "oh girl, I know waiting is hard." We all know that I'm not the best at using my filter on a good day so you know it's grace that keeps my mouth shut then. And yes, I know we all have experience with waiting whether it be for a job, a miracle, healing, reconciliation, marriage, babies, etc. Each season is hard though and I'm learning that more and more each passing day. My married friends have to constantly work on communication, respect and boundaries. Adding children to that mix is even more chaotic and then there's work stresses, church responsibilities and etc. I actually have it really easy right now from the way I see it.
For some reason, I took on these expectations of how I thought life should look and where I should be by specific ages and life stages. I was so naïve about it. I felt like I couldn't fully live until I was married or had reached some great timeline marking. Yep, again with that dang timeline. Where did it come from? Disney? Maybe. My own expectations of a picture perfect life? Probably a mixture of that mixed with society and the dreams of a little girl that somehow took over. I lost sight of myself in the longing of getting to new and better phases in life. Most importantly, I lost sight of God and what he would want for me. I'm not owed anything but hell and it's only by His grace that I can even begin to walk in grace, knowing that I get to spend eternity with Him.
As silly as this may sound, I thought I wouldn't be able to do big things without a husband. Foolish, right? I know I'm not the only one that has faced this though. We all feel like we aren't supposed to do certain things until we reach specific marks. Stop it. We have people that love and support us not just for who we are but in spite of that. I'm over being stuck in ruts because of the lacking I thought I had. Some very dear friends (Kimber, Hannah, Em & Ashton) along with my precious family threw me one heck of a 30th birthday celebration and I was so happy to not have to worry about having a significant other there. I can enjoy where I am because of God's goodness. Not because of a circumstance that I do or do not have. Life is a gift and it's time to fully live it. Not because of this milestone but because it's why I'm here. To love people where they are and to pour into their lives and He has poured into mine through the incredible people that He's allowed me to know.
I got to thank some of those sweet friends this weekend for being part of that healing process. They've shown me that we are loved no matter where we are in life. Their sacrificed time, finances, creativity and etc. spoke volumes to me about the fact that I am worth something and that I'm not defined by those things I looked to for so long. I'm happy, grateful and overwhelmed by the overflowing of love that I've seen and experienced over my 30 years and have had to repent for being so blinded by my own plans and expectations.
What is it that you have always wanted to do but felt like you couldn't or weren't' supposed to because of a status or lack there of? Go do it. You'll regret it if you don't.
No comments:
Post a Comment