Happy Monday to all who still check this specific blog! I wanted to take a moment to let you know that I do still write but it's on a different domain. Please refer to www.jennygodwin.com for all future pieces.
Grateful for the interaction here and excited about all that's in store. See you there! <3 p="">
Monday, May 14, 2018
Friday, February 17, 2017
Life Tip: Don't Be (Or Settle For) A Jerk.
It sounds simple, right? Sadly, settling is something we all do on occasion and I hope you know before this is completed that you were made for more no matter whose shoes you stand in (settler or settlee).
Last night I had fallen asleep on my couch while watching Wheel of Fortune because I'm 80. That's neither here nor there though. I was awakened to the sound of a man yelling at his girlfriend/fiancé/wife in my building. I mean, completely berating her and cursing. Don't get me wrong, I own up to having a foul mouth on occasion but there's never justification for that sort of arguing. It continued for a few hours off and on. At one point it even sound like he was shoving furniture around. He would calm down for a bit and then get riled back up and get back to putting her down. I finally left my TV on mute out of concern because I knew that 911 might need to intervene at some point but I didn't want to call too soon in case this was just how they argue. You know, the couples that yell and scream at each other because God forbid you carry on a normal conversation about a disagreement or frustration. I even followed them throughout the apartment to hear what was going on in case she needed help. My concern became a reality when she told him, "Stop, you're hurting me. Stop threatening me." 911 was quietly called because if I could hear them, I didn't want him hearing me and showing up at my door uninvited.
Apparently there was a lot of activity going on because it was well over an hour before someone arrived to check on things. At that point, I think the woman had gone to sleep because the yelling had ceased. My heart was racing, stomach in knots, and voice shaking. Mom wanted me to come home to stay out of precaution and a guy friend called to check on me in case I needed him to come over as we had been texting some during the evening. Based on what I could hear, the man lied to the police because they congratulated him for something. I'm fairly certain they just said they were investigating a noise complaint out of precaution. As far as I know, things were back to normal this morning but my heart hurts on so many levels this afternoon.
Chances are, the guy has a natural temper or learned those behaviors growing up. I don't know the statistics but I do know that it is no excuse. Whether you're a man or woman you have no right to speak to another person like he was. You certainly don't have the right to be verbally, emotional, or physically abusive to them. Period. EVER. Even if your parents weren't in the picture or you didn't have a role model to exhibit healthy communication habits or even venting, you can make the choice to not be a jerk. Your parents, or people who poured into your life over the years, want more for you. If you didn't have someone pouring kindness, wisdom, counsel, or Jesus into your life, I'm so deeply sorry. If those people had been in your life, they would have wanted so much more for you and would have taught you better. You see, when you belittle another person and make them feel like they owe you or you're doing them a favor by being with them, you're not causing them to love you. What you're doing is causing them to fear you. Fear does NOT equal love. If you're afraid they're going to leave you if you stop, let them. Why stick with someone who doesn't want to stay. Relationships are partnerships, not hostage situations. Don't be a jerk to get your way. It's time to grow up and realize that you're not going to always get your way. If you love the person, live that out. If you don't know how, there are so many resources available to help you navigate changing that behavior and sorting through your anger because the person(s) you're taking it out on aren't the root of it. They deserve better and so do you. If you need contact information for how to start, click here to start.
Now, if you're a person that is staying in a relationship out of fear and have experienced any of that kind of abuse, I am so sorry. You do NOT have to stay with that person or in that environment. They weren't created to define you or bring you worth. If you often find yourself saying things like, "He didn't mean that, he loves me." Or "I shouldn't have upset her - it's my fault." I hope you know there are ways out. There are so many places that offer help on the regular from counseling to shelters. Domestic Violence Reseources Link. Please know that you are worth so much more than abuse. You don't deserve that treatment no matter what. He/she needs help and so do you. If you grew up in that environment, my heart breaks for you because it isn't the way life should be lived. Know that there are people available to help. Don't settle for a jerk.
In closing, I am not blind to the fact that it won't be easy on either side of this equation. Often times people get lost in a cycle and feel like it's their only option. If you go back or continue treating someone that way, you can try again. Please know that you aren't a lost cause. I do want to add that there are churches that have open arms to welcome you, love on you, bring accountability, and ultimately to point you to Jesus. If you don't know who Jesus is or would like to know more, please reach out through this blog and I would love to talk with you. You were made for more than being or settling for a jerk and you are loved.
Last night I had fallen asleep on my couch while watching Wheel of Fortune because I'm 80. That's neither here nor there though. I was awakened to the sound of a man yelling at his girlfriend/fiancé/wife in my building. I mean, completely berating her and cursing. Don't get me wrong, I own up to having a foul mouth on occasion but there's never justification for that sort of arguing. It continued for a few hours off and on. At one point it even sound like he was shoving furniture around. He would calm down for a bit and then get riled back up and get back to putting her down. I finally left my TV on mute out of concern because I knew that 911 might need to intervene at some point but I didn't want to call too soon in case this was just how they argue. You know, the couples that yell and scream at each other because God forbid you carry on a normal conversation about a disagreement or frustration. I even followed them throughout the apartment to hear what was going on in case she needed help. My concern became a reality when she told him, "Stop, you're hurting me. Stop threatening me." 911 was quietly called because if I could hear them, I didn't want him hearing me and showing up at my door uninvited.
Apparently there was a lot of activity going on because it was well over an hour before someone arrived to check on things. At that point, I think the woman had gone to sleep because the yelling had ceased. My heart was racing, stomach in knots, and voice shaking. Mom wanted me to come home to stay out of precaution and a guy friend called to check on me in case I needed him to come over as we had been texting some during the evening. Based on what I could hear, the man lied to the police because they congratulated him for something. I'm fairly certain they just said they were investigating a noise complaint out of precaution. As far as I know, things were back to normal this morning but my heart hurts on so many levels this afternoon.
Chances are, the guy has a natural temper or learned those behaviors growing up. I don't know the statistics but I do know that it is no excuse. Whether you're a man or woman you have no right to speak to another person like he was. You certainly don't have the right to be verbally, emotional, or physically abusive to them. Period. EVER. Even if your parents weren't in the picture or you didn't have a role model to exhibit healthy communication habits or even venting, you can make the choice to not be a jerk. Your parents, or people who poured into your life over the years, want more for you. If you didn't have someone pouring kindness, wisdom, counsel, or Jesus into your life, I'm so deeply sorry. If those people had been in your life, they would have wanted so much more for you and would have taught you better. You see, when you belittle another person and make them feel like they owe you or you're doing them a favor by being with them, you're not causing them to love you. What you're doing is causing them to fear you. Fear does NOT equal love. If you're afraid they're going to leave you if you stop, let them. Why stick with someone who doesn't want to stay. Relationships are partnerships, not hostage situations. Don't be a jerk to get your way. It's time to grow up and realize that you're not going to always get your way. If you love the person, live that out. If you don't know how, there are so many resources available to help you navigate changing that behavior and sorting through your anger because the person(s) you're taking it out on aren't the root of it. They deserve better and so do you. If you need contact information for how to start, click here to start.
Now, if you're a person that is staying in a relationship out of fear and have experienced any of that kind of abuse, I am so sorry. You do NOT have to stay with that person or in that environment. They weren't created to define you or bring you worth. If you often find yourself saying things like, "He didn't mean that, he loves me." Or "I shouldn't have upset her - it's my fault." I hope you know there are ways out. There are so many places that offer help on the regular from counseling to shelters. Domestic Violence Reseources Link. Please know that you are worth so much more than abuse. You don't deserve that treatment no matter what. He/she needs help and so do you. If you grew up in that environment, my heart breaks for you because it isn't the way life should be lived. Know that there are people available to help. Don't settle for a jerk.
In closing, I am not blind to the fact that it won't be easy on either side of this equation. Often times people get lost in a cycle and feel like it's their only option. If you go back or continue treating someone that way, you can try again. Please know that you aren't a lost cause. I do want to add that there are churches that have open arms to welcome you, love on you, bring accountability, and ultimately to point you to Jesus. If you don't know who Jesus is or would like to know more, please reach out through this blog and I would love to talk with you. You were made for more than being or settling for a jerk and you are loved.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
Settling....2.0.
Is Settling Really That Big of a Deal? In a word, yes. But who are we kidding? Of course I will answer this in more than one word. Maybe it is some sort of verbal sickness that causes me to ramble so much. Okay, back on topic. Settling is such an issue these days and sadly, it seems to be occurring more and more with each generation. We are in a microwave society and are so used to getting what we want, when we want it. Gosh, we are so spoiled! We think that just because we want something, we should get it. We either deserve or are entitled to it. Oh and let us not forget, "They got it, why can't I?" I don't know about you but I'm thinking we just need to go ahead and get over ourselves. It's not about us, or at least it shouldn't be. I deal with people on a daily basis who just expect things to be done for them or provided to them "just because." The main reason I don't tell them that life doesn't work that way is because being sassy doesn't pay my bills.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to get married and have kids. That's what girls grow up to do, right? Maybe that idea came from too many Disney movies as a child but I just knew that God had things lined up to the way I wanted them. You can stop laughing at my foolishness now. If you're honest with yourself, there is probably at least one time in your life where your actions or thoughts reflected that same idea. My senior prediction for my yearbook was something along the lines of, "In 10 years Jenny Godwin will be married to the man of her dreams teaching music..." I let go of the teaching thing shortly after graduation but over the last several years, I wanted to settle with every fiber of my being. I put myself on some sort of timeline or checklist and felt like a failure because I wasn't meeting the mark or checking enough off. I have dated sporadically over the years. Some were great men that sincerely love Jesus and others were guys that made me feel good about myself in the fleeting moments we were together. Some relationships glorified God and others broke my Creator's heart. All that to say, I purposefully tried to settle on many occasions. There all too often was a void that I tried to fill with food or men. Regardless of what put the void there, it always ended up as the result of not pressing into Jesus enough. Thankfully God protected me from myself here.
Had I settled on any of those given scenarios, I would not be where I am today. Where am I? Loving life in the Chattanooga and North Georgia area and striving to make the most of where God has me in the now. :) I'm in a job that is only by the grace and goodness of God be I'm "aunt Jen" to my sweet nieces but also to so many other kids that God has allowed me to love on over the years. So while I am not a mom and may not become one, I see all of these precious kiddos as a gift and love them dearly. Over just the last several years, I have been so privileged to get to know some phenomenal people that have been so instrumental in being here today. Getting plugged into a small group in Chattanooga brought continued accountability and uncontrollable laughter. I've been so blessed to be involved with a church that is passionate about Jesus and a ministry that aims to encourage people to touch Heaven and change Earth while finding their completion and joy in Christ alone.
Have I thrown some tantrums? Oh my goodness yes...several in various situations but if I stop and think about it, they were petty and selfish. I can see now that God's grace protected me because He knew better. His love for me saved me from myself and from the instant gratification I was seeking. A pastor friend of mine said before, "God's wrath would be giving us everything we wanted. " I don't know about you but I am so thankful that He has been so gracious. Settling is easy but it's not worth it. It's like cheating on a diet. In the moment it feels or tastes good but afterward you regret going against all of your hard work you've done so far. It's not worth it.
What we need is Jesus. He alone satisfies the deepest parts of our soul; He quenches EVERY thirst. He knows the good, bad, ugly and crazy parts of us and still pursues us passionately. When we are desperate or willing to settle for something less than His best and His sincere goodness, we are robbing ourselves, and sometimes those around us, of the joy that only He can bring.
Psalm 63:1 - You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to get married and have kids. That's what girls grow up to do, right? Maybe that idea came from too many Disney movies as a child but I just knew that God had things lined up to the way I wanted them. You can stop laughing at my foolishness now. If you're honest with yourself, there is probably at least one time in your life where your actions or thoughts reflected that same idea. My senior prediction for my yearbook was something along the lines of, "In 10 years Jenny Godwin will be married to the man of her dreams teaching music..." I let go of the teaching thing shortly after graduation but over the last several years, I wanted to settle with every fiber of my being. I put myself on some sort of timeline or checklist and felt like a failure because I wasn't meeting the mark or checking enough off. I have dated sporadically over the years. Some were great men that sincerely love Jesus and others were guys that made me feel good about myself in the fleeting moments we were together. Some relationships glorified God and others broke my Creator's heart. All that to say, I purposefully tried to settle on many occasions. There all too often was a void that I tried to fill with food or men. Regardless of what put the void there, it always ended up as the result of not pressing into Jesus enough. Thankfully God protected me from myself here.
Had I settled on any of those given scenarios, I would not be where I am today. Where am I? Loving life in the Chattanooga and North Georgia area and striving to make the most of where God has me in the now. :) I'm in a job that is only by the grace and goodness of God be I'm "aunt Jen" to my sweet nieces but also to so many other kids that God has allowed me to love on over the years. So while I am not a mom and may not become one, I see all of these precious kiddos as a gift and love them dearly. Over just the last several years, I have been so privileged to get to know some phenomenal people that have been so instrumental in being here today. Getting plugged into a small group in Chattanooga brought continued accountability and uncontrollable laughter. I've been so blessed to be involved with a church that is passionate about Jesus and a ministry that aims to encourage people to touch Heaven and change Earth while finding their completion and joy in Christ alone.
Have I thrown some tantrums? Oh my goodness yes...several in various situations but if I stop and think about it, they were petty and selfish. I can see now that God's grace protected me because He knew better. His love for me saved me from myself and from the instant gratification I was seeking. A pastor friend of mine said before, "God's wrath would be giving us everything we wanted. " I don't know about you but I am so thankful that He has been so gracious. Settling is easy but it's not worth it. It's like cheating on a diet. In the moment it feels or tastes good but afterward you regret going against all of your hard work you've done so far. It's not worth it.
What we need is Jesus. He alone satisfies the deepest parts of our soul; He quenches EVERY thirst. He knows the good, bad, ugly and crazy parts of us and still pursues us passionately. When we are desperate or willing to settle for something less than His best and His sincere goodness, we are robbing ourselves, and sometimes those around us, of the joy that only He can bring.
Psalm 63:1 - You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.
Friday, November 18, 2016
To Abilene, California, and Back! Part 1
Many of you have been so gracious to ask about my journey to California back in August. So I've been writing this in pieces as life has been a bit on the go since returning. Plus, since it's National Adoption Month, it seems fitting.
In the previous post (you can click the following link to view), California, Here I Come!, I shared about knowing I was supposed to visit California to meet and pray for my biological father and his family after he received a cancer diagnosis. On Friday, August 12, 2016, I boarded a plane with the final destination of San Jose, CA where I would get to meet my biological father, Michael, and his side of the family for the first time. I was set to land around 1:00 AM EST and would go to the Hilton Santa Clara for a night of relaxation before a busy and exhausting day. As the plane neared the Dallas-Fort Worth airport where my layover would be, the pilot announced that nasty weather would keep us circling for a bit until we were given the "all clear" to land. After about an hour and a half of circling, we were running low on fuel so we were diverted to Abilene, TX...which is where I'm fairly certain dreams go to die. I'm kidding...kinda. After sitting on the tarmac for about two hours, we were told we could head to Dallas in hopes of catching our connecting flights! Glory hallelujah! Then...nothing. We were told that the plane was having engine/mechanical issues. I would like to add that I'm so grateful this happened while we were ON THE GROUND! After two and a half hours of waiting on them to get the plane repaired, they said we were spending the night in Abilene but not all of us were guaranteed a hotel room. Oh and if we wanted to rent a car, they were out of them because other flights that had been diverted had people who got off the planes in attempts to drive to Dallas that night. At his point, I may or may not have been in tears because I was sleepy and already emotional. Maybe I'm a little dramatic but whatever. Thankfully while sitting on the tarmac for 4+ hours, I was entertained by my family and some friends. Even dad woke up to join in on the group text and said something along the lines of, "Your mom and I will be going to San Antonio in January/February. We'll stop by and say hi on the way." I'm sure those around me wondered what I was finding so very comical.
While sitting on the tarmac, I managed to make new friends who all had various reasons for travel. There was one going on a business trip, one going home from one, and another who was trying to make it home to see his father whose health was rapidly declining. One thing I've learned is that when we are real with people and transparent, they open up a lot faster. When people asked me why I was going to California, I was honest. "Oh. I'm going to meet my biological father and that side of my biological family for the first time." We all know that my sense of humor is a little messed up anyway but I got a kick out of it when people were stumped. After they realized I was just being up front with them, their guards came down. The guy behind me is a doctor who lives in Rome, GA. He and his wife are still new to the area and he said he was going home to see his dad for the last time. He was seemingly shocked at the "coincidences" and said he was just trying to get to Oklahoma. He had lived in Texas for a bit so he had friends coming to get him at the Abilene airport to get him to where he needed to go before it was too late. After we had all gotten off of the plane, I asked if I could pray with him and for his dad. You see, that opportunity was part of the reason for the delay and it was totally worth it. My sister, Tammy, had made mention through the waiting on the plane that she had been praying and knew there was someone I was supposed to love on and encourage on that plane. Isn't God amazing?
After deciding to go to the hotel that American Airlines had a deal with, there seemed to be quite a wait for the shuttle. I looked at a girl who is a few years younger than myself and said, "do you want to share an Uber? I'm done waiting on transportation." So my new friend and I did just that. Around 2:00 AM EST, we got to what appeared to be a scene from a Criminal Minds episode. It was a motel. Not a hotel but a motel. Thankfully the outside was not an indication of the inside and sleep happened. The next morning I was even able to get ready for another "fun filled" day of travel while on hold with Expedia, getting nowhere. After going to the lobby to wait for the shuttle to take us all back to the airport, Casey (the girl I met the night before) and I were chatting it up with two guys named Bob, and Chris. We were all laughing and just chatting about life. When we got to the airport, I called my sister and was talking with her about the motel and the night, you know...usual stuff. Next thing I saw was that the flight that was scheduled to leave at 10:00 AM EST had now been moved to Noon and then to 2:00 PM. We were all going to miss our connecting flights or run into other travel issues if we waited until then. Next thing I know, Bob says he's getting a rental car and driving to Dallas and that the 3 of us were welcome to come with him if we wanted. Y'all, I got in a car with people I didn't know and just trusted they weren't serial killers. For all I know, that flight may still be waiting to leave Abilene to this very day. I called Tammy and said, "Ummm I'm renting a car with strangers, have fun telling mom...love you - bye!"
Just in case you haven't figured out by now, they weren't serial killers and we made it to Dallas with time to spare before our connecting flights. Oh and this is where I should mention that my connecting flight to San Jose got delayed. The humor doesn't escape me in the midst of all of this. After arriving in San Jose, I went straight to the hotel and was able to get refunded for the night I wasn't able to stay there. I told the representative assisting me that he was the first person to help with the Expedia nightmare I was living in regards to my trip and the information I kept being given. After hours of being on the phone with Expedia and American Airlines, I was able to extend my flight back home from San Francisco by a day due to the lost day getting to California. Out of exhaustion, I ordered room service and crashed super early because the next day was going to be a long one.
The next day, I got up and got moving. I went downstairs for breakfast and mimosas (I brunch like the best of them) and then made plans to meet up with my biological father and his wife first. I was nervous but felt peace through the process of getting there. They were extremely thoughtful and considerate of how overwhelming this was going to be, especially since I was coming out their solo. The best part is, I wasn't alone in this. I knew that God was with me still and that there were countless people back home praying for me and for Michael and his family. They both hugged me tightly and we all cried a little and just sat and talked a bit outside a coffee shop. We then went to their home where I met his parents (SIDE NOTE: He's adopted as well.), my half sister, her fiancé, and their two daughters. They were all very warm in their welcome and we talked about life in California, my life and family back in Georgia and Tennessee, and the in between. Eventually, we did talk about my adoption and I felt like he needed to know that me being adopted was the best thing that happened to me. I didn't want to be disrespectful but I wanted him to know that my parents have given me an amazing life and loved me so well. I couldn't have picked a better or more fitting family to be part of and am so grateful for them and for how they raised me.
As the day continued, we discussed friends and family they'd seen on social media and talked a bit about my half sister's upcoming nuptials. I also got to hang out and love on my nieces, which was fun as well. I knew the day would be draining in a lot of ways and closer to dinner time there I wanted to go ahead and start winding down. There would be lots to process from some of the things they told me and I really just wanted to go and call mom. They showed me family pictures and Michael eventually told me that had he known about me, things would have been different and he would have raised me. I assured him that things happened how they were supposed to and then asked if I could pray for him and everyone else there. Thankfully they allowed it and then he and I discussed our differing faiths and views on things. My prayer is still that he would be healed and come to truly know Christ through all of this. As we said goodbye, I felt that overwhelming peace again know that God was in this opportunity and I am still so grateful.
Once I got back to the hotel, I went to the restaurant and ordered a beverage. When the waitress brought it, I was on the phone with mom and we talked about the day. I later apologized to the waitress for being on my phone and said I had been speaking with my mom. She said, "No apology needed. Mom's come first." We later on discussed the reason for my visiting and again I was honest about it. She hugged me right then and there and it was the sweetest thing. Since mom wasn't with me, that lady stood in the gap and hugged me for my mom and blessed me immensely. Before I left the restaurant that night, we talked a little more and I told her how grateful I was for her hug at that time after that day. She shared that her mother had passed away this summer and then allowed me to pray with her. I managed to ask her if she was working the prior night because that would have been when I ate there had my flights been as they were scheduled. She said that she was off the night before and I looked at her and said, "you're part of why my flight was delayed and Rosa, you were worth it. Know that you are loved and that God hasn't left you." We both walked away in tears, after hugging again.
All of this is to say that God is so faithful and His timing is the best timing. Even in the pain of waiting, He can be trusted. I'm still amazed at how He was in each part of this trip and how He is still working from it. There will be another entry to follow about the vacation part of my trip when I left San Jose but until then, know that Michael's cancer is shrinking and thankfully there's still hope for him to come to know Jesus.
In the previous post (you can click the following link to view), California, Here I Come!, I shared about knowing I was supposed to visit California to meet and pray for my biological father and his family after he received a cancer diagnosis. On Friday, August 12, 2016, I boarded a plane with the final destination of San Jose, CA where I would get to meet my biological father, Michael, and his side of the family for the first time. I was set to land around 1:00 AM EST and would go to the Hilton Santa Clara for a night of relaxation before a busy and exhausting day. As the plane neared the Dallas-Fort Worth airport where my layover would be, the pilot announced that nasty weather would keep us circling for a bit until we were given the "all clear" to land. After about an hour and a half of circling, we were running low on fuel so we were diverted to Abilene, TX...which is where I'm fairly certain dreams go to die. I'm kidding...kinda. After sitting on the tarmac for about two hours, we were told we could head to Dallas in hopes of catching our connecting flights! Glory hallelujah! Then...nothing. We were told that the plane was having engine/mechanical issues. I would like to add that I'm so grateful this happened while we were ON THE GROUND! After two and a half hours of waiting on them to get the plane repaired, they said we were spending the night in Abilene but not all of us were guaranteed a hotel room. Oh and if we wanted to rent a car, they were out of them because other flights that had been diverted had people who got off the planes in attempts to drive to Dallas that night. At his point, I may or may not have been in tears because I was sleepy and already emotional. Maybe I'm a little dramatic but whatever. Thankfully while sitting on the tarmac for 4+ hours, I was entertained by my family and some friends. Even dad woke up to join in on the group text and said something along the lines of, "Your mom and I will be going to San Antonio in January/February. We'll stop by and say hi on the way." I'm sure those around me wondered what I was finding so very comical.
While sitting on the tarmac, I managed to make new friends who all had various reasons for travel. There was one going on a business trip, one going home from one, and another who was trying to make it home to see his father whose health was rapidly declining. One thing I've learned is that when we are real with people and transparent, they open up a lot faster. When people asked me why I was going to California, I was honest. "Oh. I'm going to meet my biological father and that side of my biological family for the first time." We all know that my sense of humor is a little messed up anyway but I got a kick out of it when people were stumped. After they realized I was just being up front with them, their guards came down. The guy behind me is a doctor who lives in Rome, GA. He and his wife are still new to the area and he said he was going home to see his dad for the last time. He was seemingly shocked at the "coincidences" and said he was just trying to get to Oklahoma. He had lived in Texas for a bit so he had friends coming to get him at the Abilene airport to get him to where he needed to go before it was too late. After we had all gotten off of the plane, I asked if I could pray with him and for his dad. You see, that opportunity was part of the reason for the delay and it was totally worth it. My sister, Tammy, had made mention through the waiting on the plane that she had been praying and knew there was someone I was supposed to love on and encourage on that plane. Isn't God amazing?
After deciding to go to the hotel that American Airlines had a deal with, there seemed to be quite a wait for the shuttle. I looked at a girl who is a few years younger than myself and said, "do you want to share an Uber? I'm done waiting on transportation." So my new friend and I did just that. Around 2:00 AM EST, we got to what appeared to be a scene from a Criminal Minds episode. It was a motel. Not a hotel but a motel. Thankfully the outside was not an indication of the inside and sleep happened. The next morning I was even able to get ready for another "fun filled" day of travel while on hold with Expedia, getting nowhere. After going to the lobby to wait for the shuttle to take us all back to the airport, Casey (the girl I met the night before) and I were chatting it up with two guys named Bob, and Chris. We were all laughing and just chatting about life. When we got to the airport, I called my sister and was talking with her about the motel and the night, you know...usual stuff. Next thing I saw was that the flight that was scheduled to leave at 10:00 AM EST had now been moved to Noon and then to 2:00 PM. We were all going to miss our connecting flights or run into other travel issues if we waited until then. Next thing I know, Bob says he's getting a rental car and driving to Dallas and that the 3 of us were welcome to come with him if we wanted. Y'all, I got in a car with people I didn't know and just trusted they weren't serial killers. For all I know, that flight may still be waiting to leave Abilene to this very day. I called Tammy and said, "Ummm I'm renting a car with strangers, have fun telling mom...love you - bye!"
Just in case you haven't figured out by now, they weren't serial killers and we made it to Dallas with time to spare before our connecting flights. Oh and this is where I should mention that my connecting flight to San Jose got delayed. The humor doesn't escape me in the midst of all of this. After arriving in San Jose, I went straight to the hotel and was able to get refunded for the night I wasn't able to stay there. I told the representative assisting me that he was the first person to help with the Expedia nightmare I was living in regards to my trip and the information I kept being given. After hours of being on the phone with Expedia and American Airlines, I was able to extend my flight back home from San Francisco by a day due to the lost day getting to California. Out of exhaustion, I ordered room service and crashed super early because the next day was going to be a long one.
The next day, I got up and got moving. I went downstairs for breakfast and mimosas (I brunch like the best of them) and then made plans to meet up with my biological father and his wife first. I was nervous but felt peace through the process of getting there. They were extremely thoughtful and considerate of how overwhelming this was going to be, especially since I was coming out their solo. The best part is, I wasn't alone in this. I knew that God was with me still and that there were countless people back home praying for me and for Michael and his family. They both hugged me tightly and we all cried a little and just sat and talked a bit outside a coffee shop. We then went to their home where I met his parents (SIDE NOTE: He's adopted as well.), my half sister, her fiancé, and their two daughters. They were all very warm in their welcome and we talked about life in California, my life and family back in Georgia and Tennessee, and the in between. Eventually, we did talk about my adoption and I felt like he needed to know that me being adopted was the best thing that happened to me. I didn't want to be disrespectful but I wanted him to know that my parents have given me an amazing life and loved me so well. I couldn't have picked a better or more fitting family to be part of and am so grateful for them and for how they raised me.
As the day continued, we discussed friends and family they'd seen on social media and talked a bit about my half sister's upcoming nuptials. I also got to hang out and love on my nieces, which was fun as well. I knew the day would be draining in a lot of ways and closer to dinner time there I wanted to go ahead and start winding down. There would be lots to process from some of the things they told me and I really just wanted to go and call mom. They showed me family pictures and Michael eventually told me that had he known about me, things would have been different and he would have raised me. I assured him that things happened how they were supposed to and then asked if I could pray for him and everyone else there. Thankfully they allowed it and then he and I discussed our differing faiths and views on things. My prayer is still that he would be healed and come to truly know Christ through all of this. As we said goodbye, I felt that overwhelming peace again know that God was in this opportunity and I am still so grateful.
Once I got back to the hotel, I went to the restaurant and ordered a beverage. When the waitress brought it, I was on the phone with mom and we talked about the day. I later apologized to the waitress for being on my phone and said I had been speaking with my mom. She said, "No apology needed. Mom's come first." We later on discussed the reason for my visiting and again I was honest about it. She hugged me right then and there and it was the sweetest thing. Since mom wasn't with me, that lady stood in the gap and hugged me for my mom and blessed me immensely. Before I left the restaurant that night, we talked a little more and I told her how grateful I was for her hug at that time after that day. She shared that her mother had passed away this summer and then allowed me to pray with her. I managed to ask her if she was working the prior night because that would have been when I ate there had my flights been as they were scheduled. She said that she was off the night before and I looked at her and said, "you're part of why my flight was delayed and Rosa, you were worth it. Know that you are loved and that God hasn't left you." We both walked away in tears, after hugging again.
All of this is to say that God is so faithful and His timing is the best timing. Even in the pain of waiting, He can be trusted. I'm still amazed at how He was in each part of this trip and how He is still working from it. There will be another entry to follow about the vacation part of my trip when I left San Jose but until then, know that Michael's cancer is shrinking and thankfully there's still hope for him to come to know Jesus.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
California, here I come!
Over the past two and a half years, I've come to grips with the fact that the missions opportunities I'm facing are stateside. When we hear the word, "missions" we think internationally. Y'all, weekly I'm face to face with opportunities to love other people where they are. I'm given the chance to pray for and with various employees throughout the county, as well as their families. Each of us, no matter who or where we are, need consistent encouragement along the way. There are days that I want to put my head (or someone else's) through a wall due to #hrlife. It's a give and take. :) But God uses me and those people in the process to refine, encourage, and serve as a reminder of His faithfulness in our lives. I long to "go" still but I'm enjoying the opportunity to stay as well.
As many of you know, I found my biological family back in 2010 after years of various searches and Columbo style investigating. I have met and maintained a relationship with my biological mother and her family. Since my biological father and his family are on the West Coast, it's been a little challenging. There was a time about 4 years ago that a friend and I were going to head out there to meet them but things came up and it never happened. After coming back from Tres Dias last Sunday, I saw that my biological father's wife had posted a concerning status so I reached out to see if things were okay. As it turns out, he has colon cancer that has spread to his stomach and he will be having surgery in a few months if his heart can withstand it. First he has to do 8 weeks of chemo and then they'll remove his stomach and gall bladder.
My immediate thought was, "I have to go." I know I would regret not going if something happened to him but I also felt an urgency to share the gospel in a tangible way. I'll avoid specifics for now but for the time being, I am asking you to pray. For healing, a healthy visit (for each of us involved), for Christ to be seen by us all, and even for salvation. The beauty of not going to Rio or Italy is that this trip is now possible. God has this and He has me. Why do I doubt that in the midst of chaos or disappointment? He is faithful. So no matter what you're facing today, know that you are loved and fought for.
FYI...Dates for the trip are August 12-14. I'm staying in Santa Clara for 2 nights and then visiting with some good friends in San Francisco the last two.
As many of you know, I found my biological family back in 2010 after years of various searches and Columbo style investigating. I have met and maintained a relationship with my biological mother and her family. Since my biological father and his family are on the West Coast, it's been a little challenging. There was a time about 4 years ago that a friend and I were going to head out there to meet them but things came up and it never happened. After coming back from Tres Dias last Sunday, I saw that my biological father's wife had posted a concerning status so I reached out to see if things were okay. As it turns out, he has colon cancer that has spread to his stomach and he will be having surgery in a few months if his heart can withstand it. First he has to do 8 weeks of chemo and then they'll remove his stomach and gall bladder.
My immediate thought was, "I have to go." I know I would regret not going if something happened to him but I also felt an urgency to share the gospel in a tangible way. I'll avoid specifics for now but for the time being, I am asking you to pray. For healing, a healthy visit (for each of us involved), for Christ to be seen by us all, and even for salvation. The beauty of not going to Rio or Italy is that this trip is now possible. God has this and He has me. Why do I doubt that in the midst of chaos or disappointment? He is faithful. So no matter what you're facing today, know that you are loved and fought for.
FYI...Dates for the trip are August 12-14. I'm staying in Santa Clara for 2 nights and then visiting with some good friends in San Francisco the last two.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Two Years.
Wow. Has it really been two years? There are times it feels like just weeks ago and others that it feels like light-years. This time two years ago, our team was probably gearing up to head to the airport in hopes of catching what would be the last flight out of Atlanta to Paris that day. Due to weather conditions, our others were canceled so we were praying that this one would come through. I was thinking about the favor we saw from the start and am just in awe still. Typically, shuttles to the airport take you to the domestic terminal for you to then catch one to the international terminal. Our sweet driver offered to just take us straight to the international terminal. While it may not seem like a big deal to you, it was to us. With 9 adults, 6 instruments, 9 checked bags (originally...sorry Bea) and some other small carry on pieces, not having to move it again was a big deal. And looking back, it was a wonderful way to start out on that journey where we tangibly saw God's hand and favor.
Even looking back at the time leading up to Russia is wonderful because only God could take a Bluegrass band to Russia for the Olympics. Only God could have put that team together. Only God could have orchestrated raising the funds that got us there. Looking back at pictures and videos this week have had me laughing to the point of tears and left me grateful for such an incredible journey. That team will always be so dear to me and while I know the time can't be recreated, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it and miss that time with them. I want to share a bit about each person from that team and how incredible they are. I know, I know...rambling again but hey, it's my blog and I'll do what I want.
Early Brackin has got to be one of the most patient men I have ever met. I remember early on he said that our goal wasn't to be flexible but to be fluid because none of us would know what to expect. He led with grace and loved people so well. He's like another father to me and reminds me so much of my own.
Lynn Murphy is one of the most well traveled individuals I've ever met. His experience got us where we needed to be and when. His humor added to the mix of shenanigans that took place and his kindness to others ministered to the people he traded pins with.
Stephanie & Tod Brock are a wonderfully packaged deal in my book. Stephanie doesn't meet a stranger and her precious heart was so welcoming to those who gathered to watch the band play. I have to admit, seeing her and Tod together is one of the most precious things. I remember being in Red Square as he gave her his valentine gift for her and it was absolutely darling. They really do love each other well and fit together like a solid pair of goofballs. :)
Justin Parrish was the missing piece I had no clue was missing. It was as if we had known him for years and the amount of laughter and talent he brought was unexpected. I mean, our group was already hilariously entertaining but he fit perfectly.
Jared Spier was already a brother to me but getting to see him interact with others while wearing an American flag was one of my most favorite things of all time. It was so great getting to see him love on others in true Jared fashion and allow God to use him as an instrument of compassion and musicality.
David Taylor is certainly my little brother and I have to say that it was super fun seeing him experience his first plane experience (not many people on the plane at all on the way there and it was glorious) in addition to seeing him rock the mandolin and kazoo. He wouldn't admit to it but he interacted with the people there so well and ministered more than he realized with how laid back he was with them.
Bea Brackin is one of my partners in crime and forever #ABA. She had a rough start on that trip from being sick when we left and never receiving her luggage. I've said it before and I'll say it again that no one can rock a cat shirt or a moose sweater like she does. Knowing Bea for as long as I have, I can say without a doubt that she is one of the most considerate young ladies there ever was. The laughter she brought to any conversation in addition to her heart for God overflowed to her interactions with others while there.
They're my "dear friends" and I could go on and on about them but I'll stop here. They're gold in my book and I can't imagine that experience with anyone by them, nor do I want to. Here's to the fact that we went to change the world but were changed for the better because that's just how good our God is.
SO MUCH happened while we were there and much has changed since we got back but the one thing that hasn't changed is that God is still present and so very faithful.
Even looking back at the time leading up to Russia is wonderful because only God could take a Bluegrass band to Russia for the Olympics. Only God could have put that team together. Only God could have orchestrated raising the funds that got us there. Looking back at pictures and videos this week have had me laughing to the point of tears and left me grateful for such an incredible journey. That team will always be so dear to me and while I know the time can't be recreated, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it and miss that time with them. I want to share a bit about each person from that team and how incredible they are. I know, I know...rambling again but hey, it's my blog and I'll do what I want.
Early Brackin has got to be one of the most patient men I have ever met. I remember early on he said that our goal wasn't to be flexible but to be fluid because none of us would know what to expect. He led with grace and loved people so well. He's like another father to me and reminds me so much of my own.
Lynn Murphy is one of the most well traveled individuals I've ever met. His experience got us where we needed to be and when. His humor added to the mix of shenanigans that took place and his kindness to others ministered to the people he traded pins with.
Stephanie & Tod Brock are a wonderfully packaged deal in my book. Stephanie doesn't meet a stranger and her precious heart was so welcoming to those who gathered to watch the band play. I have to admit, seeing her and Tod together is one of the most precious things. I remember being in Red Square as he gave her his valentine gift for her and it was absolutely darling. They really do love each other well and fit together like a solid pair of goofballs. :)
Justin Parrish was the missing piece I had no clue was missing. It was as if we had known him for years and the amount of laughter and talent he brought was unexpected. I mean, our group was already hilariously entertaining but he fit perfectly.
Jared Spier was already a brother to me but getting to see him interact with others while wearing an American flag was one of my most favorite things of all time. It was so great getting to see him love on others in true Jared fashion and allow God to use him as an instrument of compassion and musicality.
David Taylor is certainly my little brother and I have to say that it was super fun seeing him experience his first plane experience (not many people on the plane at all on the way there and it was glorious) in addition to seeing him rock the mandolin and kazoo. He wouldn't admit to it but he interacted with the people there so well and ministered more than he realized with how laid back he was with them.
Bea Brackin is one of my partners in crime and forever #ABA. She had a rough start on that trip from being sick when we left and never receiving her luggage. I've said it before and I'll say it again that no one can rock a cat shirt or a moose sweater like she does. Knowing Bea for as long as I have, I can say without a doubt that she is one of the most considerate young ladies there ever was. The laughter she brought to any conversation in addition to her heart for God overflowed to her interactions with others while there.
They're my "dear friends" and I could go on and on about them but I'll stop here. They're gold in my book and I can't imagine that experience with anyone by them, nor do I want to. Here's to the fact that we went to change the world but were changed for the better because that's just how good our God is.
SO MUCH happened while we were there and much has changed since we got back but the one thing that hasn't changed is that God is still present and so very faithful.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Glad He Didn't Let Me Leave
I was talking with a dear friend Sunday afternoon about the things God has been showing us lately and the ways we've seen His hand clearly in our lives. She mentioned how it's hard to believe this time last year, I was heart broken. Y'all, my heart was in pieces and I was crying "the ugly cry" over the feelings of rejection, failure and not knowing what God was doing. You see, I had been in the process of applying for international missions and from the way everything looked and what my missions coach had said, everything was falling into place and within the next year, I'd be leaving for Italy to serve. It all came to a screeching stop when I was told that I wasn't being recommended for service. I wondered what was wrong with me or if I had been too open about my past. Did my desire to love on people make me seem too naïve? I kept getting the same answer, "wait."
I don't know about you, but I do not wait well. I lament, question, cry, throw the occasional tantrum, etc. These aren't necessarily done in a public setting but they do happen. I had even thought that maybe missions was going to be God's way of bringing me to my husband or a new type of ministry since I've never had a problem with talking to strangers. Did I not hear God at all in this? Why would He have gifted me like this and used me in different countries if this isn't what I'm supposed to do? I'm supposed to be doing those things HERE & NOW. Not just in other places.
I have an incredible job that really was an answer to months and months of prayer. I do not say that lightly or in the cliché Christian way. God honored obedience in the timing of this and I am still beyond thankful to be working where I do and with the people I get to interact with daily. There are often times I find myself praying with different employees throughout a week. A few months ago, my boss said, "Jenny, this is your mission field." Wow. She is right. God has me here for a reason and I'm glad. There are opportunities here that are definitely of Him with the interactions I have with people during tough medical situations, losses, births, retirement and pretty much all things in between. I can't imagine not serving here now.
It's not just work though. God had me step up to leading a ladies life group and I was finally obedient. A buddy of mine said, "uh, it's about time." Leadership scares me because there's a fear of failure that comes with it. But, one thing God has reminded me of is that there's nothing I've done that will lessen the power of The Cross and His redemption. Thank God! These ladies are such a delight and I'm loving the time to get to know their hearts and walk through this crazy life with them. Who knew there were women out there of all ages/stages that were just as sassy as me? ;)
As for relationships, I can't imagine a more fulfilling life than the one I have. My family is a consistent form of encouragement and spunk but then add in the friends I get to walk through life with daily and I almost can't handle the fun. There are too many things to name here but this year has held a whirlwind of memories. The Disney Half Marathon, my 30th birthday celebration (one heck of a party), NYC with the family and the daily laughter and quirks that come in between. The text threads are hilarious, the trip planning is exciting and the accountability is something I'd never trade. There have been people that I've met that I wouldn't have had the opportunity had I gone to Italy. Seeing friends get married and have babies has been such a delight and worth it, even on the hard days. I'll be honest and say that I'm excited about the last month or so and am waiting with expectancy of the months to come.
I still have my melt down moments and tantrums about things, it happens. But I also still have the grace and goodness of a God that loves me at even my worst of times. It boils down to letting others see Jesus in our lives because without Him, there's no purpose. It's knowing that even when things are good, He's still better and more fulfilling than even thing things I've wanted all my life. All in all, I'm glad He didn't let me leave because while 30 started out incredible, it's going to get better!
Here's a glimpse of pieces of the last year and why I'm glad He wouldn't let me leave.
I don't know about you, but I do not wait well. I lament, question, cry, throw the occasional tantrum, etc. These aren't necessarily done in a public setting but they do happen. I had even thought that maybe missions was going to be God's way of bringing me to my husband or a new type of ministry since I've never had a problem with talking to strangers. Did I not hear God at all in this? Why would He have gifted me like this and used me in different countries if this isn't what I'm supposed to do? I'm supposed to be doing those things HERE & NOW. Not just in other places.
I have an incredible job that really was an answer to months and months of prayer. I do not say that lightly or in the cliché Christian way. God honored obedience in the timing of this and I am still beyond thankful to be working where I do and with the people I get to interact with daily. There are often times I find myself praying with different employees throughout a week. A few months ago, my boss said, "Jenny, this is your mission field." Wow. She is right. God has me here for a reason and I'm glad. There are opportunities here that are definitely of Him with the interactions I have with people during tough medical situations, losses, births, retirement and pretty much all things in between. I can't imagine not serving here now.
It's not just work though. God had me step up to leading a ladies life group and I was finally obedient. A buddy of mine said, "uh, it's about time." Leadership scares me because there's a fear of failure that comes with it. But, one thing God has reminded me of is that there's nothing I've done that will lessen the power of The Cross and His redemption. Thank God! These ladies are such a delight and I'm loving the time to get to know their hearts and walk through this crazy life with them. Who knew there were women out there of all ages/stages that were just as sassy as me? ;)
As for relationships, I can't imagine a more fulfilling life than the one I have. My family is a consistent form of encouragement and spunk but then add in the friends I get to walk through life with daily and I almost can't handle the fun. There are too many things to name here but this year has held a whirlwind of memories. The Disney Half Marathon, my 30th birthday celebration (one heck of a party), NYC with the family and the daily laughter and quirks that come in between. The text threads are hilarious, the trip planning is exciting and the accountability is something I'd never trade. There have been people that I've met that I wouldn't have had the opportunity had I gone to Italy. Seeing friends get married and have babies has been such a delight and worth it, even on the hard days. I'll be honest and say that I'm excited about the last month or so and am waiting with expectancy of the months to come.
I still have my melt down moments and tantrums about things, it happens. But I also still have the grace and goodness of a God that loves me at even my worst of times. It boils down to letting others see Jesus in our lives because without Him, there's no purpose. It's knowing that even when things are good, He's still better and more fulfilling than even thing things I've wanted all my life. All in all, I'm glad He didn't let me leave because while 30 started out incredible, it's going to get better!
Here's a glimpse of pieces of the last year and why I'm glad He wouldn't let me leave.
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Comparisons 2.0.
Back in 2013 I shared a post regarding COMPARISONS and how much they suck. While that's still my stance, I'm seeing more and more people battling them and it breaks my heart. I'm just as guilty as the next person for allowing myself to be defeated by the comparisons I place on myself in regards to others. Those comparisons shouldn't be a measuring stick for our happiness and joy. Happiness can be taken away but sincere joy comes from Christ. We have to choose to see that and believe it at times but it's true. There's a sparkle that brightens and dims based off our joy I think. When we are redirecting our goals and our standards towards Christ, that light not only shines on us but also IN us. Joy is that sparkle and one of the fruits of the spirit that we often lose sight of in the midst of those comparisons.
Men, women and children face comparisons of a wide variety and while it's not fair, it doesn't change the fact that we each have a battle. We must hold our thoughts captive and turn our eyes towards God and His Word. Is it easy? Absolutely not. But no one ever promised simplicity or ease with this life. We were actually promised trials along the way but with those trials come character, refinement and a painful process called sanctification. Y'all, those things mean that He hasn't and won't give up on us!!!! Did you read that?! HE HASN'T AND WON'T GIVE UP ON US! What sweet relief.
When I find myself smack dab in the middle of comparing myself to someone else for an ability or lack thereof, I can let it break me or push me to evaluate where God has me. I've shared before that there have been times I felt like God was preventing or prohibiting me from getting to move forward but it's been such a beautiful process to see that He's been protecting and preparing. I'll admit that it wasn't until I accepted that reality that I was able to step back outside of my circumstances and see truth for what it was. I want to encourage you to do the same. Take a step back, breathe and ask God to show you where it is He's refining and pursuing you. He wants you to find that sincere depth and joy in Him, not in others or their opinions of you. He's got you and won't be giving up anytime soon. Keep moving forward.
Men, women and children face comparisons of a wide variety and while it's not fair, it doesn't change the fact that we each have a battle. We must hold our thoughts captive and turn our eyes towards God and His Word. Is it easy? Absolutely not. But no one ever promised simplicity or ease with this life. We were actually promised trials along the way but with those trials come character, refinement and a painful process called sanctification. Y'all, those things mean that He hasn't and won't give up on us!!!! Did you read that?! HE HASN'T AND WON'T GIVE UP ON US! What sweet relief.
When I find myself smack dab in the middle of comparing myself to someone else for an ability or lack thereof, I can let it break me or push me to evaluate where God has me. I've shared before that there have been times I felt like God was preventing or prohibiting me from getting to move forward but it's been such a beautiful process to see that He's been protecting and preparing. I'll admit that it wasn't until I accepted that reality that I was able to step back outside of my circumstances and see truth for what it was. I want to encourage you to do the same. Take a step back, breathe and ask God to show you where it is He's refining and pursuing you. He wants you to find that sincere depth and joy in Him, not in others or their opinions of you. He's got you and won't be giving up anytime soon. Keep moving forward.
Friday, July 17, 2015
Dearest Chattanooga
I, like many of the rest of you, didn't sleep well last night. My heart physically aches for the families that lost loved ones yesterday and for those who were injured in Chattanooga. Hearing sirens isn't all that uncommon where I work since my office is located downtown but today I found myself cringing each time I heard them, hoping it hadn't happened again. I've found myself on the verge of tears on multiple occurrences today because of the evil in our world, nation and even our community.
I can't even begin to imagine what the families and friends of the fallen are going through right now. If you are currently suffering or now reliving a loss from yesterday's attacks, I am so deeply sorry and hope you know that you are prayed for. As yesterday unfolded, my heart sank more and more as I thought of friends with the Chattanooga Police, Hamilton County Sheriff Department, EMS and other County employees I get the pleasure of interacting with on a daily basis. The fear of "what if it was them" consumed me for a bit. May we not forget the fact that these men and women are daily striving to keep us safe...they are our heroes.
People have indicated their hatred for the one(s) behind the attack and I have to admit, it's hard to not choose that feeling. It's not what will make any of this go away. I've been so overwhelmed with how officials from Hamilton County, Chattanooga City and the FBI have handled things. Our park rangers and employees with parks & recreation shared their lunches with citizens and one another yesterday when everything went on lockdown. People checked on one another and went to give blood as soon as they could because they wanted to help and they wanted to love. This. This is what has to continue. We must band together as a community, as a family, to move forward and to encourage one another. I don't know how this will look going forward but I do know we still have a sovereign God who has NOT forgotten us or left us. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." He is near us as we all grieve as a community and as a nation.
May we walk in a peace that only God can envelop us in and a strength that only He can supply.
With Love,
Jenny
I can't even begin to imagine what the families and friends of the fallen are going through right now. If you are currently suffering or now reliving a loss from yesterday's attacks, I am so deeply sorry and hope you know that you are prayed for. As yesterday unfolded, my heart sank more and more as I thought of friends with the Chattanooga Police, Hamilton County Sheriff Department, EMS and other County employees I get the pleasure of interacting with on a daily basis. The fear of "what if it was them" consumed me for a bit. May we not forget the fact that these men and women are daily striving to keep us safe...they are our heroes.
People have indicated their hatred for the one(s) behind the attack and I have to admit, it's hard to not choose that feeling. It's not what will make any of this go away. I've been so overwhelmed with how officials from Hamilton County, Chattanooga City and the FBI have handled things. Our park rangers and employees with parks & recreation shared their lunches with citizens and one another yesterday when everything went on lockdown. People checked on one another and went to give blood as soon as they could because they wanted to help and they wanted to love. This. This is what has to continue. We must band together as a community, as a family, to move forward and to encourage one another. I don't know how this will look going forward but I do know we still have a sovereign God who has NOT forgotten us or left us. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." He is near us as we all grieve as a community and as a nation.
May we walk in a peace that only God can envelop us in and a strength that only He can supply.
With Love,
Jenny
Friday, May 8, 2015
For The Women Who Aren't Moms on Mother's Day...You Matter, Too
Personally, I love Mother's Day because moms should be celebrated. They do so much for their husbands, children and communities in general. I have to admit though, when you don't have children (or a husband), you feel as though you don't measure up in a lot of ways in the big picture.
This post is for:
* The women who long to be a mother but it just hasn't happened yet. Whether you're married and unable to conceive or single and longing to have a family one day.
* The women who had children but have lost them in any sense of the word.
For the women who have tried without ceasing to conceive, my heart hurts for you. I never want to say "I know how you feel" because I don't. I don't have answers as to infertility or why some things just happen for some and not for others. What I do know is that you aren't defective because of that. You still have so much to give to those around you, possibly adopted children or little brothers/little sisters and etc. Just because you haven't become a mother yet, doesn't make you any less of a woman or less of an asset to society.
For the women who have lost a child, I can't fathom what you feel, especially this weekend. You poured your heart and soul into planning a future for that child. You bonded with, prayed for and pushed them to be their best. No one will ever replace them (whether you're separated by death, life decisions, a strained relationship, etc...). You aren't forgotten and you're certainly no less of a mother. If you haven't been told that you're loved recently, please know that you are.
For the single women who long to be a mom. To an extent, I get it. Sure, I'm only 30 but the clock ticks on occasion and it's so difficult to find a place to "fit in" when you're friends are getting married left and right and popping out babies. I can understand the conflict of being so happy for your friends but wondering just when you'll get the honor of being more than just the fun/crazy aunt. I'm sorry for the days you feel like you'll never know what it's like to have that child run to you or cry for you. I can't promise that you'll know that but I can promise that you still matter and still have a sweet joy of getting to pour into the lives of kids around you. Take it from Aunt Jen, it's actually quite fun to leave when the moods of the kids change and to not wake up in the middle of the night.
If Mother's Day is hard for you, know that you still matter and you still have a calling on your life. Live out your passion and pursue holiness along the way. You're still stunning and you do matter.
This post is for:
* The women who long to be a mother but it just hasn't happened yet. Whether you're married and unable to conceive or single and longing to have a family one day.
* The women who had children but have lost them in any sense of the word.
For the women who have tried without ceasing to conceive, my heart hurts for you. I never want to say "I know how you feel" because I don't. I don't have answers as to infertility or why some things just happen for some and not for others. What I do know is that you aren't defective because of that. You still have so much to give to those around you, possibly adopted children or little brothers/little sisters and etc. Just because you haven't become a mother yet, doesn't make you any less of a woman or less of an asset to society.
For the women who have lost a child, I can't fathom what you feel, especially this weekend. You poured your heart and soul into planning a future for that child. You bonded with, prayed for and pushed them to be their best. No one will ever replace them (whether you're separated by death, life decisions, a strained relationship, etc...). You aren't forgotten and you're certainly no less of a mother. If you haven't been told that you're loved recently, please know that you are.
For the single women who long to be a mom. To an extent, I get it. Sure, I'm only 30 but the clock ticks on occasion and it's so difficult to find a place to "fit in" when you're friends are getting married left and right and popping out babies. I can understand the conflict of being so happy for your friends but wondering just when you'll get the honor of being more than just the fun/crazy aunt. I'm sorry for the days you feel like you'll never know what it's like to have that child run to you or cry for you. I can't promise that you'll know that but I can promise that you still matter and still have a sweet joy of getting to pour into the lives of kids around you. Take it from Aunt Jen, it's actually quite fun to leave when the moods of the kids change and to not wake up in the middle of the night.
If Mother's Day is hard for you, know that you still matter and you still have a calling on your life. Live out your passion and pursue holiness along the way. You're still stunning and you do matter.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Life is Hard.
No matter what life stage you are in or age you are, it is a safe bet that you have had many ups and downs. Most of us have asked the question, "Why me?" at least once. Flunking out of college, losing a spouse, dealing with depression, losing a parent or child, breaking your neck, losing your job...I could go on but you get the idea, hopefully.
I mentioned before that no one ever said this life would be easy. In fact, if you are a believer, it is guaranteed to be difficult. Candace Cameron Bure said in Reshaping It All that, "Losing weight is hard; maintaining weight is hard; staying overweight is hard. Choose your hard." That can be applied to any part of life. Knowing that and applying it are two very different things though.
For some reason, we allow ourselves to strive and align to this imaginary timeline that says we have to reach certain points by certain ages. If we don't, we fail or are falling short in certain areas because of it. Heaven forbid it be because God has a different and much better plan for us. "Surely I'm doing something wrong because all of these other people are getting to experience these things." Ladies and gents, this is another lie. Where are we getting this timeline? Who said we have to be a college graduate? Who said we have to be married with kids by age 25? Ummm I'm 0 for 3 there and it's taken me a while to be okay with that. In all honesty, some days I still battle it. That is because I start comparing myself to others...again. We all need to stop and realize that the standard we look to is Christ and our commission is clear about making disciples and loving people where they are. We're all a work in progress. :)
I have friends that have lost jobs, spouses, parents, children and their reputation. Yet they still love Jesus. They know that life is hard and that what we are all owed is hell. It is only by the grace of God that we are able to get through this life day in and day out. We all have our own "hard" to face. It's how we respond and who or what we look to that really matters. If I put my worth and definition in my job, appearance, social status, significant other or future children, I am putting unnecessary pressure on those things and people while setting myself up for catastrophic disappointment.
I started writing this over a year ago. I had no clue as to what was in store and just what incredible experiences were ahead. There have been ups, downs, losses, wins and laughter galore. I shouldn't be surprised when things take a turn but in December, they did. I got a call from my missions coach and of was told that I'm not going to Italy (yet). Those reviewing my file said I have some medical things to work on and I later found out I need more experience under my belt. I get it, I do. My heart just hurt because of the rejection I felt. I had been told that they didn't see any way I wouldn't get appointed. My coach was shocked as well. I'm thrilled to tell you that I've seen glimpses of why I'm still here. God didn't owe me those but he chose to share them. The day my file was supposed to go before the missions board, God gave me the chance to pray with a former employee who is dying of cancer. There have been other opportunities as well that have no doubt been from The Lord. I'm grateful and excited that it's not the end of those. I'm able to talk about it now without crying (the week I was told wasn't pretty) and I know God has something He is preparing me for. It's not because I'm a failure and I don't have to have this all figured out (oh what a freedom)! So for now, I'll just keep moving forward where He has me and work on the things He has put before me. Easy? Nope. Worth it? Absofreakinlutely!
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
More Important Things
Before you proceed, please note that I am not judging anyone in this or condemning as it is not my place, nor my desire. Just an observation that broke my heart today.
We all gripe and complain about things that are "first world problems" or that others would be grateful for. We have moments of selfishness and longing for superficial affirmations. When is enough considered to enough already? Guys, we are so consumed in our own crap to even care that brothers and sisters in Christ are losing their lives at the hands of Isis and other groups that hate Christianity, joy, family unions, etc.
I was scrolling through my Facebook mini feed and saw some posts from Buzzfeed about how One Direction is trending and people are freaking out about one of the guys leaving the group. By freaking out I mean LOSING THEIR MINDS! You know what? That's his choice...let the young man live his life and deal with his stuff. He wasn't created to complete you. Yes, the guys are talented but IT'S A GROUP. It's not a life or death situation for their fans. As my friend Hannah would say, "RELAX." I've been trying to watch my language, even in humor, as of late or else I would add in my own extra words with hers. :) I'm not saying you shouldn't be bummed but let's have/use some perspective here. We aren't devastated over our own sin (I'm saying we because I'm soooooo guilty) but we are devastated about trivial things that don't determine salvation. It's been a day full of gut checks for me.
It's happened through the generations...fans crying because they're seeing their favorite artist or group. Mom saw Elvis when she was in college (I know, right?!) and she said girls were sobbing and fighting over his scarves. Heck, I'll admit, I get giddy when I get to see Straight No Chaser and Ed Sheeran but even I have limits. People panicked when they saw other boy bands over the years but I just don't get it. There's more to life...many more important things. I get being disappointed in changes and whatnot but we should be sobbing uncontrollably over the people being murdered, children being sold into sex slavery and those dying to addictions. We need a revival and we need it now. We need Jesus.
I know, the news is depressing but it's good and healthy to be aware as to what is going on around you in your town and in your world. There are missionaries leaving daily to go to distant parts of the world that need our prayers and our support. There are people in our towns suffering from loss, depression and much worse that need to see the love of Jesus. There's something that everyone can do. Pray for where you should serve and how you can support those around you and around the world. I'm about to purchase the book, "Defying Isis" that was written by a former college pastor, Johnnie Moore. He's a gifted communicator with a heart that yearns for his brothers and sisters overseas. Check it out.
Again, I said this in love and out of heartbreak. Let's stop pitching tantrums about One Direction, who will go on, and start praying for those that are literally suffering and dying.
We all gripe and complain about things that are "first world problems" or that others would be grateful for. We have moments of selfishness and longing for superficial affirmations. When is enough considered to enough already? Guys, we are so consumed in our own crap to even care that brothers and sisters in Christ are losing their lives at the hands of Isis and other groups that hate Christianity, joy, family unions, etc.
I was scrolling through my Facebook mini feed and saw some posts from Buzzfeed about how One Direction is trending and people are freaking out about one of the guys leaving the group. By freaking out I mean LOSING THEIR MINDS! You know what? That's his choice...let the young man live his life and deal with his stuff. He wasn't created to complete you. Yes, the guys are talented but IT'S A GROUP. It's not a life or death situation for their fans. As my friend Hannah would say, "RELAX." I've been trying to watch my language, even in humor, as of late or else I would add in my own extra words with hers. :) I'm not saying you shouldn't be bummed but let's have/use some perspective here. We aren't devastated over our own sin (I'm saying we because I'm soooooo guilty) but we are devastated about trivial things that don't determine salvation. It's been a day full of gut checks for me.
It's happened through the generations...fans crying because they're seeing their favorite artist or group. Mom saw Elvis when she was in college (I know, right?!) and she said girls were sobbing and fighting over his scarves. Heck, I'll admit, I get giddy when I get to see Straight No Chaser and Ed Sheeran but even I have limits. People panicked when they saw other boy bands over the years but I just don't get it. There's more to life...many more important things. I get being disappointed in changes and whatnot but we should be sobbing uncontrollably over the people being murdered, children being sold into sex slavery and those dying to addictions. We need a revival and we need it now. We need Jesus.
I know, the news is depressing but it's good and healthy to be aware as to what is going on around you in your town and in your world. There are missionaries leaving daily to go to distant parts of the world that need our prayers and our support. There are people in our towns suffering from loss, depression and much worse that need to see the love of Jesus. There's something that everyone can do. Pray for where you should serve and how you can support those around you and around the world. I'm about to purchase the book, "Defying Isis" that was written by a former college pastor, Johnnie Moore. He's a gifted communicator with a heart that yearns for his brothers and sisters overseas. Check it out.
Again, I said this in love and out of heartbreak. Let's stop pitching tantrums about One Direction, who will go on, and start praying for those that are literally suffering and dying.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Why Did I Wait So Long?
I would be lying if I said I hadn't freaked out at times when I thought about turning 30. Is it old? Nope, but it's a milestone birthday. It's the start of a new decade and I've said before that I'm not at all where I had planned to be but lately I've really enjoyed it.
It's taken years to get to this point but I'm grateful. Is every day easy? No, life isn't perfect for anyone. And on those hard days, I will be honest and say that it takes every ounce of willpower not to hit a 20 year old that tells me, "oh girl, I know waiting is hard." We all know that I'm not the best at using my filter on a good day so you know it's grace that keeps my mouth shut then. And yes, I know we all have experience with waiting whether it be for a job, a miracle, healing, reconciliation, marriage, babies, etc. Each season is hard though and I'm learning that more and more each passing day. My married friends have to constantly work on communication, respect and boundaries. Adding children to that mix is even more chaotic and then there's work stresses, church responsibilities and etc. I actually have it really easy right now from the way I see it.
For some reason, I took on these expectations of how I thought life should look and where I should be by specific ages and life stages. I was so naïve about it. I felt like I couldn't fully live until I was married or had reached some great timeline marking. Yep, again with that dang timeline. Where did it come from? Disney? Maybe. My own expectations of a picture perfect life? Probably a mixture of that mixed with society and the dreams of a little girl that somehow took over. I lost sight of myself in the longing of getting to new and better phases in life. Most importantly, I lost sight of God and what he would want for me. I'm not owed anything but hell and it's only by His grace that I can even begin to walk in grace, knowing that I get to spend eternity with Him.
As silly as this may sound, I thought I wouldn't be able to do big things without a husband. Foolish, right? I know I'm not the only one that has faced this though. We all feel like we aren't supposed to do certain things until we reach specific marks. Stop it. We have people that love and support us not just for who we are but in spite of that. I'm over being stuck in ruts because of the lacking I thought I had. Some very dear friends (Kimber, Hannah, Em & Ashton) along with my precious family threw me one heck of a 30th birthday celebration and I was so happy to not have to worry about having a significant other there. I can enjoy where I am because of God's goodness. Not because of a circumstance that I do or do not have. Life is a gift and it's time to fully live it. Not because of this milestone but because it's why I'm here. To love people where they are and to pour into their lives and He has poured into mine through the incredible people that He's allowed me to know.
I got to thank some of those sweet friends this weekend for being part of that healing process. They've shown me that we are loved no matter where we are in life. Their sacrificed time, finances, creativity and etc. spoke volumes to me about the fact that I am worth something and that I'm not defined by those things I looked to for so long. I'm happy, grateful and overwhelmed by the overflowing of love that I've seen and experienced over my 30 years and have had to repent for being so blinded by my own plans and expectations.
What is it that you have always wanted to do but felt like you couldn't or weren't' supposed to because of a status or lack there of? Go do it. You'll regret it if you don't.
It's taken years to get to this point but I'm grateful. Is every day easy? No, life isn't perfect for anyone. And on those hard days, I will be honest and say that it takes every ounce of willpower not to hit a 20 year old that tells me, "oh girl, I know waiting is hard." We all know that I'm not the best at using my filter on a good day so you know it's grace that keeps my mouth shut then. And yes, I know we all have experience with waiting whether it be for a job, a miracle, healing, reconciliation, marriage, babies, etc. Each season is hard though and I'm learning that more and more each passing day. My married friends have to constantly work on communication, respect and boundaries. Adding children to that mix is even more chaotic and then there's work stresses, church responsibilities and etc. I actually have it really easy right now from the way I see it.
For some reason, I took on these expectations of how I thought life should look and where I should be by specific ages and life stages. I was so naïve about it. I felt like I couldn't fully live until I was married or had reached some great timeline marking. Yep, again with that dang timeline. Where did it come from? Disney? Maybe. My own expectations of a picture perfect life? Probably a mixture of that mixed with society and the dreams of a little girl that somehow took over. I lost sight of myself in the longing of getting to new and better phases in life. Most importantly, I lost sight of God and what he would want for me. I'm not owed anything but hell and it's only by His grace that I can even begin to walk in grace, knowing that I get to spend eternity with Him.
As silly as this may sound, I thought I wouldn't be able to do big things without a husband. Foolish, right? I know I'm not the only one that has faced this though. We all feel like we aren't supposed to do certain things until we reach specific marks. Stop it. We have people that love and support us not just for who we are but in spite of that. I'm over being stuck in ruts because of the lacking I thought I had. Some very dear friends (Kimber, Hannah, Em & Ashton) along with my precious family threw me one heck of a 30th birthday celebration and I was so happy to not have to worry about having a significant other there. I can enjoy where I am because of God's goodness. Not because of a circumstance that I do or do not have. Life is a gift and it's time to fully live it. Not because of this milestone but because it's why I'm here. To love people where they are and to pour into their lives and He has poured into mine through the incredible people that He's allowed me to know.
I got to thank some of those sweet friends this weekend for being part of that healing process. They've shown me that we are loved no matter where we are in life. Their sacrificed time, finances, creativity and etc. spoke volumes to me about the fact that I am worth something and that I'm not defined by those things I looked to for so long. I'm happy, grateful and overwhelmed by the overflowing of love that I've seen and experienced over my 30 years and have had to repent for being so blinded by my own plans and expectations.
What is it that you have always wanted to do but felt like you couldn't or weren't' supposed to because of a status or lack there of? Go do it. You'll regret it if you don't.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Fear: The Other 4 Letter F Word
Yep. I went there.
Fear is a liar and a foul word. It's used by Satan to bring us to paralyze or put us in a corner of solitude and shame so that no one and nothing can encourage us. It's something that brings pain in every outlet because of how much we want to hide what we are afraid of. We limit ourselves because of our fears all too often. Think about it...we don't say things in relationships because we are afraid of how our significant other will react. We don't do something we are called to because we are terrified of failure. We choose to move forward half heartedly living our lives because we are afraid that we will let someone down or that we won't meet their standard of approval. Think about the things you have wanted to do and felt like God was calling you to but were too afraid to step out into. See, it's paralyzing and flat out sucks.
What's the common denominator here? It's the fact that we're looking to other people for that affirmation, approval and encouragement. I will be the first to admit that I am guilty as can be with this. The older I have gotten, the more I've realized I fear more than I used to. There's a fear of growing old all by myself and let me tell you, that's the worst nightmare of an extrovert who has the top love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I am also terrified of failing at anything I set out to do. College wasn't my strong suit and from that, I have developed the mindset of thinking I won't be able to finish I try...again. Then there's the fear that my past and the decisions I still fall prey to at times will prevent me from truly moving forward and becoming the woman God created me to be. Again I say, fear is a liar. It shouldn't define us but push us to the foot of the cross so we can rest in truth.
All of that fear is a result of not trusting God with each and every part of my life. I'm broken, sinful, and absolutely terrified of screwing up, especially when I leave for Italy but the beauty of this is....it's not up to me. It's up to Christ to continuously redeem me from who I once was to who He has planned for me to be. Yes, sins have consequences and those stay with us but thankfully there's nothing that we do that screws up God's plan. He isn't surprised or caught off guard by our failures and we see that in Romans 5:8, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He loves us and created us to walk in confidence that He will provide, redeem, restore and save. There's a freedom in that. Oh what joy! The following verse is something I've been trying to dwell on these past few weeks and my prayer is that it encourages you like it has me. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). He guards our hearts and minds and gives us the peace that we so desperately long for.
What is it you're afraid of? As cliché as it may sound, ask Christ to show you how to move forward and break away from the bondage of that fear and to stop using the F word. Walk in the light of the beautiful cross and the salvation of who God is. Is it easy? No way but it's worth the journey because we are not in it alone. He's on our side. Look back at your life and see that He's never let you down. He's protected, provided and consistently forgiven and restored. No need for fear.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
The Last To Know...
Over the last several years I have struggled with singleness and
wondering why The Lord hasn't brought anyone to my life. I also fought
the ever changing world around me wondering why I was still in the same
sort of stage. Funny thing is, I've had it pretty good but I tried to
put myself on a timeline based on worldly comparisons and expectations.
I made so many mistakes out of selfishness, anger and sometimes just
flat out disobedience. Mistakes that hurt others and ruined my
effectiveness as a witness and a believer. Thankfully, those didn't
make the blood of Christ null and void. Thank God that while he is
just, he is a redeemer, restorer, healer, father, pursuer and so much
more. Are there consequences to our choices? Absolutely! The good
thing is, they ultimately end up being for His glory and our joy. He
makes all things, yes...even the vilest being...new! This whole time, I
somehow began to believe he was preventing me from certain things
because of the sins I had committed but that was a lie straight from the
pit of hell. He wasn't prohibiting
or preventing, he was protecting and preparing! How glorious is that?
In spite of my bratty laments or foolish and selfish sins, He was still
preparing and protecting me for something. Oh what love! I
didn't see the big picture and still don't but I know that His plan is
good, His love is deep and His grace never ending. I'm thankful that
I'm single and have no kids because there is a freedom that I have
currently that I'm honestly not ready to give up. I long to go, long to
love, long to push others to Christ and to show them that there is
worth to their life because of who He is.
Last Summer, my family and I went to Costa Rica and coming home was difficult. I don't feel called there but it broke my heart to leave the girls we met and got to love on there. There was something stirred in my heart while we were there. Getting to have that happen with my family made it all the more incredible. It was after that, when Bea asked me to go to Russia because she didn't want to be the only girl. I said no multiple times but my sister told me I should pray about it before actually saying that. She made a good point and as God would have it, I joined the team and went to Russia with the Earl Brackin Band. OH.MY.GOODNESS. It felt like home. Not the place necessarily but what we were doing. We got to really talk to people and find out who they were, what they were about and show them positive attention and get them connected to church plants around the world. I'll admit that the group I was with made it all the sweeter due to the laughter and was constant and the teamwork that was fluid. I will always cherish that trip and those people. I kid you not, I'm tearing up right now as I type because of the memories.
Coming home was harder than I had anticipated because I realized more about my purpose while in Russia. It's something we are all called to do on a daily basis but in various forms. To love people and to point them to Christ. There are different ways to show that love such as the 5 love languages and even some extras like sarcasm. Yes, that is one. You'll never convince me otherwise so don't even try. Ok, back on topic....missions. Talking to strangers has always been pretty easy for me. As a toddler I asked a total stranger for a bite of their ice cream and that led to my parents purchasing a wrist leash to make sure I stayed near them at all times. Those of you who have met me aren't the least bit shocked, are you? Heck, even my own sister took me with her when she would run errands so I would be her buffer of sorts.
This may make me sound like a horrible person or a "bad Christian" but I never wanted to be a missionary. I thoroughly enjoy a life of comfort and the occasional massage and pedicure. I like being able to go out with friends and just make the most of my time with them. I love to get dolled up occasionally and just go out on the town or catch the occasional concert. It's not about my wants though. That's a lesson I'm learning daily...sometimes minute by minute. Since Russia though, there has been a void of sorts. Why? Because I was doing what I was created for. Some may ask why I can't push people to Jesus in the USA and I'll answer that by saying it's something I strive for and have felt an urgency to do with life in general. I just know there's a call for cross-cultural missions so that's what I'm moving towards. That's one of the coming steps...I was just the last to know. :)
Apparently mom has known for a while this is what I would do. Dad said he didn't know for sure but isn't shocked and Tammy has consistently encouraged me to pursue God's calling and to apply with the organization I'm in the process with for placement. There are so many other people that I have sincere respect for that have encouraged me in this and affirmed it and I have to admit, it has been like a common grace and has comforted me as I try to navigate this whole journey (I would love to list them all but fear I would accidentally leave someone out). I even have friends that aren't believers who have said they aren't shocked. Like I said...I was the last to know. In the coming weeks and months, I'll be posting about the next steps and the goodness of God with this process as things become more solidified and official. So here's to the life, death and resurrection of Christ, the pursuit of The Lord and the aid of The Holy Spirit as we all press into Him.
Last Summer, my family and I went to Costa Rica and coming home was difficult. I don't feel called there but it broke my heart to leave the girls we met and got to love on there. There was something stirred in my heart while we were there. Getting to have that happen with my family made it all the more incredible. It was after that, when Bea asked me to go to Russia because she didn't want to be the only girl. I said no multiple times but my sister told me I should pray about it before actually saying that. She made a good point and as God would have it, I joined the team and went to Russia with the Earl Brackin Band. OH.MY.GOODNESS. It felt like home. Not the place necessarily but what we were doing. We got to really talk to people and find out who they were, what they were about and show them positive attention and get them connected to church plants around the world. I'll admit that the group I was with made it all the sweeter due to the laughter and was constant and the teamwork that was fluid. I will always cherish that trip and those people. I kid you not, I'm tearing up right now as I type because of the memories.
Coming home was harder than I had anticipated because I realized more about my purpose while in Russia. It's something we are all called to do on a daily basis but in various forms. To love people and to point them to Christ. There are different ways to show that love such as the 5 love languages and even some extras like sarcasm. Yes, that is one. You'll never convince me otherwise so don't even try. Ok, back on topic....missions. Talking to strangers has always been pretty easy for me. As a toddler I asked a total stranger for a bite of their ice cream and that led to my parents purchasing a wrist leash to make sure I stayed near them at all times. Those of you who have met me aren't the least bit shocked, are you? Heck, even my own sister took me with her when she would run errands so I would be her buffer of sorts.
This may make me sound like a horrible person or a "bad Christian" but I never wanted to be a missionary. I thoroughly enjoy a life of comfort and the occasional massage and pedicure. I like being able to go out with friends and just make the most of my time with them. I love to get dolled up occasionally and just go out on the town or catch the occasional concert. It's not about my wants though. That's a lesson I'm learning daily...sometimes minute by minute. Since Russia though, there has been a void of sorts. Why? Because I was doing what I was created for. Some may ask why I can't push people to Jesus in the USA and I'll answer that by saying it's something I strive for and have felt an urgency to do with life in general. I just know there's a call for cross-cultural missions so that's what I'm moving towards. That's one of the coming steps...I was just the last to know. :)
Apparently mom has known for a while this is what I would do. Dad said he didn't know for sure but isn't shocked and Tammy has consistently encouraged me to pursue God's calling and to apply with the organization I'm in the process with for placement. There are so many other people that I have sincere respect for that have encouraged me in this and affirmed it and I have to admit, it has been like a common grace and has comforted me as I try to navigate this whole journey (I would love to list them all but fear I would accidentally leave someone out). I even have friends that aren't believers who have said they aren't shocked. Like I said...I was the last to know. In the coming weeks and months, I'll be posting about the next steps and the goodness of God with this process as things become more solidified and official. So here's to the life, death and resurrection of Christ, the pursuit of The Lord and the aid of The Holy Spirit as we all press into Him.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
My Heart Hurts
Maybe it's the fact that I just finished looking at pictures from the Russia trip in February. Maybe it's the fact that our world is in complete chaos and disarray. Maybe it's the fact we were created for so much more....but my heart hurts. We need Jesus. Our families need Jesus. Our world needs Jesus.
Every single time you turn on the news you will see devastation. No, I'm not being dramatic. I'm being real. We all see the impact of cancer, heart attacks, divorce, depression, etc within our own country and even our own families. We see violence within our country and now the pain from ISIS in Iraq and Syria, the battle of Russia and Ukraine, the fights between Israel and Hamas and the list goes on. I catch myself begging for Jesus to come back but then I feel such conviction because there are so many people that don't know who God is. They don't know that Jesus not only died for their sins but also came back and will come back again! Guys, they don't know what a hug from a believer feels like or what freedom from religion is. That because of the cross, they can move forward trusting that there is more to life than emptiness and death. My heart hurts.
I know we can't all go outside of the USA but we can go to our jobs, the streets, our homes, schools and be the hands and feet of Jesus. We don't have to shove Christ down their throats but we can be intentional about loving them. Is it easy? No way. Is it worth it? Absolutely. I'm typing this just as much for myself as I am for anyone else . No cliche or cheesy sayings, just what I'm thinking and praying about. So whether it's down the street or across the world, let's go.
Every single time you turn on the news you will see devastation. No, I'm not being dramatic. I'm being real. We all see the impact of cancer, heart attacks, divorce, depression, etc within our own country and even our own families. We see violence within our country and now the pain from ISIS in Iraq and Syria, the battle of Russia and Ukraine, the fights between Israel and Hamas and the list goes on. I catch myself begging for Jesus to come back but then I feel such conviction because there are so many people that don't know who God is. They don't know that Jesus not only died for their sins but also came back and will come back again! Guys, they don't know what a hug from a believer feels like or what freedom from religion is. That because of the cross, they can move forward trusting that there is more to life than emptiness and death. My heart hurts.
I know we can't all go outside of the USA but we can go to our jobs, the streets, our homes, schools and be the hands and feet of Jesus. We don't have to shove Christ down their throats but we can be intentional about loving them. Is it easy? No way. Is it worth it? Absolutely. I'm typing this just as much for myself as I am for anyone else . No cliche or cheesy sayings, just what I'm thinking and praying about. So whether it's down the street or across the world, let's go.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Bittersweet Endings & New Beginnings
Have you ever been beyond excited about what's ahead but sad to leave parts of the present behind?
As I type this, I'm anxiously awaiting tomorrow.
You see, it will be my last day with Cigna. It's going to be a bittersweet day but I'm beyond excited about the
days to come. Looking back over the past 3+ years of my life, I have
been incredibly blessed to have worked for a stellar company and
with wonderful people. Have there been bumps, bruises, increased stress
levels and questions as to why I went there? I'll keep this G Rated and just say, "absolutely." That's the
case for most, if not all, jobs though. Change is tough and I'm still learning how to bend and adapt to it.
From being there, I learned so
much more about true empathy, understanding
where others are coming from and trying to love them right where they
are. I've gained a plethora of business and insurance knowledge and
wouldn’t trade it for anything. The best part about it was the people
there. There were times I sat and cried with members
who just needed someone to talk to or who I could wholeheartedly relate
to. There were also times when people yelled and screamed and I didn’t
necessarily respond with grace. We'll just call those lessons
learned. :)
Along the way there were friendships formed that I wouldn't trade
for anything. The people I've been privileged to work for and along
side have been a strong team and taught me so much about what it is to
be an independent woman who works hard for what
she wants while knowing it's okay to ask questions or for guidance.
I've been fortunate for to experience interactions in "Corporate
America" and to leave a company knowing I gave it my all and it was
appreciated. Leaving there will be most difficult because
of the incredible encounters and bonds formed.
New mercies are refreshing and that's why new beginnings are so
exciting. I feel like I should be more terrified about starting anew
but there's such peace with the excitement. I'm done being afraid and
excited about what's to come. It's been confirmed
countless times over the past two weeks that this was a God given
opportunity and an answer to much prayer. Hope for the future is never
lost so here's to the next step on this indescribably journey that's
pretty much just begun!
Friday, October 25, 2013
Needy & Settling
Lately I've found myself getting rather perturbed when I hear women talking about how devastated they are about their boyfriend or husband not doing what they want or putting their needs and wants above his own. I know that women can't technically "grow a pair" and it is probably socially unacceptable to say, but that is what I have to choke back almost every time. Oops?
Ladies, men can't read minds and many don't pick up on subtle hints so stop expecting them to do just that. If you have a sincere issue with something in your relationship, pray about it and if The Lord leads, speak up. Don't be afraid that he will leave you for it. If he does, chances are he is a punk that you shouldn't be with or he has some things he needs to work out with the Lord. Again, pray about what is hurting or bothering you and ask God to show you if this is a selfishness of your flesh or a sincere problem. Then present the issue in love and a calm manner because being hostile and whiny is flat out exhausting and annoying. I recently wanted to tell co workers who were complaining about their husbands that when they do that, I don't feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for their husband. Please note, I know it's not always that simple and that there are times with extenuating circumstances but this is in the general sense.
Men, we don't need you to complete us. At times, we probably think we do but that is not true. There, you are off the hook. Feel better? You should. We have been unfair to you and I want to apologize for that. To every man that I looked to for confirmation, affirmation or completion, I am sorry. You can't offer that to anyone. If you are currently trying, it will not work so stop it now.
Now, what would be marvelous is if you love and encourage us as yours sisters. I will be honest, we do get the two confused at times But!!!! Be patient and be sincere with your intentions.
I will say, I have been so fortunate to have incredible men of God who encouraged me along the way. They held doors open (building and car), paid for the occasional meal, prayed with me and just loved on me when life was tough. They laughed with me at inappropriate or lame jokes and pushed me to be a better person. Some sang with me at church, others went with me to weddings and some just hugged me after a tough day. I am so thankful for the examples they set on how to not settle for less than what God has in store. These were the guys I mentioned before that I can usually be found cutting up with. I went on a date with a guy a few months back who was very sweet and handsome but definitely not someone I could see myself with. Our senses of humor weren't in line and if you can't keep up, you've got to go. I wasn't about to settle for just anyone.
Is Settling Really That Big of a Deal? In a word, yes. But who are we kidding? Of course I will answer this in more than one word. Maybe it is some sort of verbal sickness that causes me to ramble so much. Okay, back on topic. Settling is such an issue these days and sadly, it seems to be occurring more and more with each generation. We are in a microwave society and are so used to getting what we want, when we want it. Gosh, we are so spoiled! We think that just because we want something, we should get it. We either deserve or are entitled to it. Oh and let us not forget, "They got it, why can't I?" I don't know about you but I'm thinking we just need to go ahead and get over ourselves. It's not about us, or at least it shouldn't be.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to get married and have kids. That's what girls grow up to do, right? Maybe that idea came from too many Disney movies as a child but I just knew that God had things lined up to the way I wanted them. You can stop laughing at my foolishness now. If you're honest with yourself, there is probably at least one time in your life where your actions or thoughts reflected that same idea. My senior prediction for my yearbook was something along the lines of, "In 10 years Jenny Godwin will be married to the man of her dreams teaching music..." I let go of the teaching thing shortly after graduation but over the last several years, I wanted to settle with every fiber of my being. I put myself on some sort of timeline or checklist and felt like a failure because I wasn't meeting the mark or checking enough off. I have dated sporadically over the years. Some were great men that sincerely love Jesus and others were guys that made me feel good about myself in the fleeting moments we were together. Some relationships glorified God and others broke my Creator's heart. All that to say, I purposefully tried to settle on many occasions. There all too often was a void that I tried to fill with food or men. Regardless of what put the void there, it always ended up as the result of not pressing into Jesus enough. Thankfully God protected me from myself here.
Had I settled on any of those given scenarios, I would not be where I am today. Where am I? Loving life in the North Georgia/Southern Tennessee area and striving to make the most of where God has me in the now. :) I'm currently getting ready to end a great job that isn't at all what I had planned but God has used it to teach me empathy and to learn more about loving others where they are; and preparing to begin a new position that stemmed from the previously mentioned role. I'm "aunt Jen" to my sweet nieces but also to so many other kids that God has allowed me to love on over the years. So while I am not a mom and may not become one, I see all of these precious kiddos as a gift and love them dearly. Over just the last three years, I have been so privileged to get to know some phenomenal people that have been so instrumental in being here today. Getting plugged into a small group in Chattanooga brought continued accountability and uncontrollable laughter. Recently, I've been so blessed to be involved with a church that is passionate about Jesus and a ministry that aims to encourage college and career folks to find their completion and joy in Christ alone. The community there wasn't what I thought it would be but better.
Have I thrown some tantrums? Oh my goodness yes...several in various situations but if I stop and think about it, they were petty and selfish. I can see now that God's grace protected me because He knew better. His love for me saved me from myself and from the instant gratification I was seeking. A pastor friend recently said, "God's wrath would be giving us everything we wanted. " I don't know about you but I am so thankful that He has been so gracious.
What we need is Jesus. He alone satisfies the deepest parts of our soul; He quenches EVERY thirst. He knows the good, bad, ugly and crazy parts of us and still pursues us passionately. When we are desperate or willing to settle for something less than His best and His sincere goodness, we are robbing ourselves, and sometimes those around us, of the joy that only He can bring.
Psalm 63:1 - You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.
Ladies, men can't read minds and many don't pick up on subtle hints so stop expecting them to do just that. If you have a sincere issue with something in your relationship, pray about it and if The Lord leads, speak up. Don't be afraid that he will leave you for it. If he does, chances are he is a punk that you shouldn't be with or he has some things he needs to work out with the Lord. Again, pray about what is hurting or bothering you and ask God to show you if this is a selfishness of your flesh or a sincere problem. Then present the issue in love and a calm manner because being hostile and whiny is flat out exhausting and annoying. I recently wanted to tell co workers who were complaining about their husbands that when they do that, I don't feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for their husband. Please note, I know it's not always that simple and that there are times with extenuating circumstances but this is in the general sense.
Men, we don't need you to complete us. At times, we probably think we do but that is not true. There, you are off the hook. Feel better? You should. We have been unfair to you and I want to apologize for that. To every man that I looked to for confirmation, affirmation or completion, I am sorry. You can't offer that to anyone. If you are currently trying, it will not work so stop it now.
Now, what would be marvelous is if you love and encourage us as yours sisters. I will be honest, we do get the two confused at times But!!!! Be patient and be sincere with your intentions.
I will say, I have been so fortunate to have incredible men of God who encouraged me along the way. They held doors open (building and car), paid for the occasional meal, prayed with me and just loved on me when life was tough. They laughed with me at inappropriate or lame jokes and pushed me to be a better person. Some sang with me at church, others went with me to weddings and some just hugged me after a tough day. I am so thankful for the examples they set on how to not settle for less than what God has in store. These were the guys I mentioned before that I can usually be found cutting up with. I went on a date with a guy a few months back who was very sweet and handsome but definitely not someone I could see myself with. Our senses of humor weren't in line and if you can't keep up, you've got to go. I wasn't about to settle for just anyone.
Is Settling Really That Big of a Deal? In a word, yes. But who are we kidding? Of course I will answer this in more than one word. Maybe it is some sort of verbal sickness that causes me to ramble so much. Okay, back on topic. Settling is such an issue these days and sadly, it seems to be occurring more and more with each generation. We are in a microwave society and are so used to getting what we want, when we want it. Gosh, we are so spoiled! We think that just because we want something, we should get it. We either deserve or are entitled to it. Oh and let us not forget, "They got it, why can't I?" I don't know about you but I'm thinking we just need to go ahead and get over ourselves. It's not about us, or at least it shouldn't be.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to get married and have kids. That's what girls grow up to do, right? Maybe that idea came from too many Disney movies as a child but I just knew that God had things lined up to the way I wanted them. You can stop laughing at my foolishness now. If you're honest with yourself, there is probably at least one time in your life where your actions or thoughts reflected that same idea. My senior prediction for my yearbook was something along the lines of, "In 10 years Jenny Godwin will be married to the man of her dreams teaching music..." I let go of the teaching thing shortly after graduation but over the last several years, I wanted to settle with every fiber of my being. I put myself on some sort of timeline or checklist and felt like a failure because I wasn't meeting the mark or checking enough off. I have dated sporadically over the years. Some were great men that sincerely love Jesus and others were guys that made me feel good about myself in the fleeting moments we were together. Some relationships glorified God and others broke my Creator's heart. All that to say, I purposefully tried to settle on many occasions. There all too often was a void that I tried to fill with food or men. Regardless of what put the void there, it always ended up as the result of not pressing into Jesus enough. Thankfully God protected me from myself here.
Had I settled on any of those given scenarios, I would not be where I am today. Where am I? Loving life in the North Georgia/Southern Tennessee area and striving to make the most of where God has me in the now. :) I'm currently getting ready to end a great job that isn't at all what I had planned but God has used it to teach me empathy and to learn more about loving others where they are; and preparing to begin a new position that stemmed from the previously mentioned role. I'm "aunt Jen" to my sweet nieces but also to so many other kids that God has allowed me to love on over the years. So while I am not a mom and may not become one, I see all of these precious kiddos as a gift and love them dearly. Over just the last three years, I have been so privileged to get to know some phenomenal people that have been so instrumental in being here today. Getting plugged into a small group in Chattanooga brought continued accountability and uncontrollable laughter. Recently, I've been so blessed to be involved with a church that is passionate about Jesus and a ministry that aims to encourage college and career folks to find their completion and joy in Christ alone. The community there wasn't what I thought it would be but better.
Have I thrown some tantrums? Oh my goodness yes...several in various situations but if I stop and think about it, they were petty and selfish. I can see now that God's grace protected me because He knew better. His love for me saved me from myself and from the instant gratification I was seeking. A pastor friend recently said, "God's wrath would be giving us everything we wanted. " I don't know about you but I am so thankful that He has been so gracious.
What we need is Jesus. He alone satisfies the deepest parts of our soul; He quenches EVERY thirst. He knows the good, bad, ugly and crazy parts of us and still pursues us passionately. When we are desperate or willing to settle for something less than His best and His sincere goodness, we are robbing ourselves, and sometimes those around us, of the joy that only He can bring.
Psalm 63:1 - You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Simple.
Simple.
You’ve probably seen the weekly posts and invites to Simple. What the heck is that? Another church service? Don’t you people get enough of those? I’ve heard it all at this point so here’s a little bit about what Simple is and why it even takes place.
It’s a time of a community. We hang out, talk, laugh and cut up before it even gets started. Getting to know people provides encouragement, accountability and a deeper understanding of what it means to be the body of Christ. It’s a time of worship. Jared and the praise & worship team consistently bring us into the presence of God and it’s a time to just rest in Him and to give Him glory for what He’s done and is continuing to do in our lives. It’s a time of soaking up the Word. I’ve recently said that Albert brings truth in a fresh perspective and the goal here is to make Christ known. Each week we are reminded that while Christ died for and delights in us, He wants more for us than what we have been settling for. The intent behind these guys starting Simple was to be a form of encouragement and to bring truth to those in a stage of life that, in my opinion, often gets lost in the mix of many churches in today’s society. It’s for people to understand and grasp truth so they can live out their faith beyond anything they ever expected.
I’ve said it before and will continue to do so, Thursday is my favorite day of the week because my affections for Christ are stirred as I am reminded of the fact that while God disciplines us, He pursues, restores, redeems and forgives us. Thursdays are more than another day at the church. They are a time of sincere community, grace, conviction and accountability. It’s that “simple."
To sum it up....Join us tonight at Church On The Hill @ 7:15.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8
You’ve probably seen the weekly posts and invites to Simple. What the heck is that? Another church service? Don’t you people get enough of those? I’ve heard it all at this point so here’s a little bit about what Simple is and why it even takes place.
It’s a time of a community. We hang out, talk, laugh and cut up before it even gets started. Getting to know people provides encouragement, accountability and a deeper understanding of what it means to be the body of Christ. It’s a time of worship. Jared and the praise & worship team consistently bring us into the presence of God and it’s a time to just rest in Him and to give Him glory for what He’s done and is continuing to do in our lives. It’s a time of soaking up the Word. I’ve recently said that Albert brings truth in a fresh perspective and the goal here is to make Christ known. Each week we are reminded that while Christ died for and delights in us, He wants more for us than what we have been settling for. The intent behind these guys starting Simple was to be a form of encouragement and to bring truth to those in a stage of life that, in my opinion, often gets lost in the mix of many churches in today’s society. It’s for people to understand and grasp truth so they can live out their faith beyond anything they ever expected.
I’ve said it before and will continue to do so, Thursday is my favorite day of the week because my affections for Christ are stirred as I am reminded of the fact that while God disciplines us, He pursues, restores, redeems and forgives us. Thursdays are more than another day at the church. They are a time of sincere community, grace, conviction and accountability. It’s that “simple."
To sum it up....Join us tonight at Church On The Hill @ 7:15.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8
Friday, August 23, 2013
Comparisons
I hate comparisons. Yes, I'm aware that hate is a strong word but I mean it. To give you even more insight as to just how deep my hatred is for comparisons, let's rank them with fever blisters. If you don't already know, I have a deep hatred for those jokers. Our society has done such a disservice to young men and women with placing such extreme expectations on them by comparing them to others. Too many children hear things like, "why can't you be more like your sister?" Or "your brother never did that." As adults we hear, "Gosh, I wish my wife looked like that." "My ex was more of a man than you'll ever be." Even if those words don't get spoken, they all too often get implied with actions or sadly, just assumed.
Everywhere we turn we have comparison thrown in our face. As women, there are Victoria's Secret models, celebrities, friends, co workers and even complete strangers that we ashamedly compare ourselves to. We fear that we aren't enough if we don't look, talk, laugh, sing or love like "her." You may think it is foolish but it happens. When the emotions that follow/comparisons hit, it eventually convicts me because it turns my completion and definition to something other than Christ.
I'm not a petite, soft spoken, gentle woman. I'm a tall, blunt, vigorous woman who loves to make people laugh. I'm competitive, and can usually be located in a room by my loud laugh or animated motions. Normally my sarcasm fits with fellas better but I consider myself blessed to have multiple girl friends who share my twisted sense of humor and occasional foul mouth. I have a promiscuous and lazy past that has been used to shape me but it no longer defines me. I love my God and am thankful (most days) that this is who he created me to be.
If I'm a believer, why did I just say most days? Because I'm being honest. There have been days when I wanted to have a different physical build, a more quiet spirit and a gentle tongue so guys could look at me and go, "wow, there is a sweet girl." But hey, too much sugar causes cavities. Don't get me wrong, I have a sweet side but it's not my only one and I'm good with that.
Most of the time, the downers we experience from comparisons are due to our own imaginations running wild on us. Thinking we will never be enough for various reasons....believing lies.
I have mentioned Disney before. I absolutely love Disney World and Disney movies. In case you haven't figured it out, I'm still age five at heart. Sad thing is, I set Disney like expectations for myself without realizing it and I know I'm not the only one guilty of this. Young girls get it in their mind that they need a prince to rescue them and make their life better. Young boys determine they need to rescue a fair maiden. I'll address both here. We don't need to be rescued or completed by a man. Jesus took care of that on the cross and we need to be praising him more often for it! That said, I do believe if we are called to be married that God uses couples in partnership to compliment one another and to glorify himself. But again I say, it's not what completes us.
I love hosting parties and get togethers with friends. I find opening up my home rather enjoyable and wish I could do it more. There was a time about a year and a half ago that it stressed me out. I wanted my apartment to be perfectly spotless, the food and drinks to be ready and for everyone to have a lovely time. I am ashamed to admit that I let the fear of an unsuccessful party make me sick with worry. I wanted people to know that while I wasn't a wife or mother yet, I was going to make a heck of one someday. Gosh, it comes across as so foolish and petty but I was comparing myself to others in this. Do I still host? Yes, when I have time. Do I try and pull off perfection? Hahahaha. That would be a no! I was comparing myself to some false idea I had of what I need to be and of what I thought others wanted me to be and do. To get to this place, I had to fast from hosting because it was providing a sense of validation and becoming an idol.
Comparisons are dangerous. We look for some sort of validation in them because we think that we are better or worse than the person or thing we're comparing ourselves to. We allow those things to rob us of our joy while preventing ourselves from moving forward to glorify God with our lives. John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
I'm a bit of a talker/writer so in case you don't remember anything that you've read so far, remember this. Christ died for you and every wretched thing you've ever done and will do. His love is incredible and His forgiveness brings freedom like you've never imagined. So instead of comparing yourselves to others and what they expect, look to the gospel to see what we're to reflect. He is enough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)