Comparisons

I hate comparisons.  Yes, I'm aware that hate is a strong word but I mean it.  To give you even more insight as to just how deep my hatred is for comparisons, let's rank them with fever blisters.  If you don't already know, I have a deep hatred for those jokers.  Our society has done such a disservice to young men and women with placing such extreme expectations on them by comparing them to others.  Too many children hear things like, "why can't you be more like your sister?" Or "your brother never did that."  As adults we hear, "Gosh, I wish my wife looked like that."  "My ex was more of a man than you'll ever be."  Even if those words don't get spoken, they all too often get implied with actions or sadly, just assumed.

Everywhere we turn we have comparison thrown in our face.  As women, there are Victoria's Secret models, celebrities, friends, co workers and even complete strangers that we ashamedly compare ourselves to.  We fear that we aren't enough if we don't look, talk, laugh, sing or love like "her."  You may think it is foolish but it happens.  When the emotions that follow/comparisons hit, it eventually convicts me because it turns my completion and definition to something other than Christ.

I'm not a petite, soft spoken, gentle woman.  I'm a tall, blunt, vigorous woman who loves to make people laugh.  I'm competitive, and can usually be located in a room by my loud laugh or animated motions.  Normally my sarcasm fits with fellas better but I consider myself blessed to have multiple girl friends who share my twisted sense of humor and occasional foul mouth.  I have a promiscuous and lazy past that has been used to shape me but it no longer defines me.  I love my God and am thankful (most days) that this is who he created me to be.  

If I'm a believer, why did I just say most days?  Because I'm being honest.  There have been days when I wanted to have a different physical build, a more quiet spirit and a gentle tongue so guys could look at me and go, "wow, there is a sweet girl."   But hey, too much sugar causes cavities.  Don't get me wrong, I have a sweet side but it's not my only one and I'm good with that.

Most of the time, the downers we experience from comparisons are due to our own imaginations running wild on us.  Thinking we will never be enough for various reasons....believing lies.

I have mentioned Disney before.  I absolutely love Disney World and Disney movies.  In case you haven't figured it out, I'm still age five at heart.  Sad thing is, I set Disney like expectations for myself without realizing it and I know I'm not the only one guilty of this.  Young girls get it in their mind that they need a prince to rescue them and make their life better.  Young boys determine they need to rescue a fair maiden.  I'll address both here.  We don't need to be rescued or completed by a man.  Jesus took care of that on the cross and we need to be praising him more often for it!  That said, I do believe if we are called to be married that God uses couples in partnership to compliment one another and to glorify himself.  But again I say, it's not what completes us. 

I love hosting parties and get togethers with friends.  I find opening up my home rather enjoyable and wish I could do it more.  There was a time about a year and a half ago that it stressed me out.  I wanted my apartment to be perfectly spotless, the food and drinks to be ready and for everyone to have a lovely time.  I am ashamed to admit that I let the fear of an unsuccessful party make me sick with worry.  I wanted people to know that while I wasn't a wife or mother yet, I was going to make a heck of one someday.  Gosh, it comes across as so foolish and petty but I was comparing myself to others in this.  Do I still host?  Yes, when I have time.  Do I try and pull off perfection? Hahahaha.  That would be a no!  I was comparing myself to some false idea I had of what I need to be and of what I thought others wanted me to be and do.  To get to this place, I had to fast from hosting because it was providing a sense of validation and becoming an idol.  

Comparisons are dangerous.  We look for some sort of validation in them because we think that we are better or worse than the person or thing we're comparing ourselves to.  We allow those things to rob us of our joy while preventing ourselves from moving forward to glorify God with our lives.  John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  

I'm a bit of a talker/writer so in case you don't remember anything that you've read so far, remember this.  Christ died for you and every wretched thing you've ever done and will do.  His love is incredible and His forgiveness brings freedom like you've never imagined.  So instead of comparing yourselves to others and what they expect, look to the gospel to see what we're to reflect.  He is enough.

Embracing Life as a "Single Lady"

We live in such a crazy world with mixed signals thrown at us every.single.day.  We are told to be happy and content with where we are at each phase of life.  But on the other hand people are always asking, “Are you dating anyone?”  “When are you getting married?”  “WHAT?  No kids yet?!?!”  This post has been inspired by a joking comment from some people that had great intentions by their statement but it really struck a nerve.  I’m finally, finally, finally in a good “place” with where God has me and all that He has revealed  over the last several years so I can't help but laugh at comments like “You better hurry up and find a man because you’re not getting any younger.”  It was meant to be an encouragement I suppose but it struck a nerve.  That won't bring true joy.  It won't bring sincere happiness.  It won't "complete me."  So because I have to really sit & think before I speak sometimes, you get a blog.  Congratulations!

I absolutely LOVE Disney.  I think in part it’s because I’m still 4 at heart.  But despite my love of Disney and its movies, I hate the lessons that young girls are taught.  For example, “we need a man to save us, to complete us, to fulfill our every dream and etc.”  Can you hear the song from your favorite princess movie?  I can hear Giselle and Edward from “Enchanted” singing, “I’ve been dreaming of a true love’s kiss!”  No, we don’t need a man for that.  A wedding won’t bring us the most sincere and meaningful joy that we ever thought possible.  How do I know?  Because I have many married friends and that part of life is just as tough as this one.  It’s all about perspective and how hard you’re willing to work on something, in any stage or season.  That said, I will admit, I long to be married and it’s tough at times with it all around me but the thought of it doesn’t complete me.  I haven’t always seen it that way (& some days are still tough) but thankfully, I’m aware of that now.

At the age of 27 (28 in less than a month), there are so many people around me getting married.  Over the last 16 months I have been invited to at least 10 different weddings that I can think of at the moment (7 of those were from March 31 – August 11).  I honestly can’t even begin to tell you just how much it blessed me to attend most of those.  The opportunities to do hair and make up, read scripture, be a bridesmaid, and sing in others were such an honor and wonderful memories!   It just made me tired and broke.  Ha!  Now, some of those that got married are having babies.  While that is glorious and a blessing (I sincerely am happy for them), it’s not where God has me so stop pushing.  I’ll be the first to admit, there has been a time or two where I thought God was bringing me to that place but He isn’t…and I’m surprisingly thankful.  Even recently, I thought there were some big changes coming but alas, they are not and again, I’m at peace.  God is faithful.  God sustains.  God completes.  God is good. Not just story book good, I mean whole hearted, pure, sincere, and deeply overwhelming to the point of tears good!

My parents are incredible.  Not once have they ever pushed the marriage or grand kid card with me (or my sister).  They have always wanted us to obey God, be happy and complete in Him and to be married once-for keeps.

The last year has actually been a lot of fun!  I’ve had the opportunity & freedom to travel more and if I were married and “settled down” I wouldn’t have been able to do that on a whim.  For instance, Florida trips to visit friends that are serving at a church in Jacksonville, a few trips last summer to Nashville for bachelorette party weekends and etc.  I’m also getting ready to possibly go to Costa Rica with my family this summer for a mission trip and am ecstatic to share the love of Jesus to the girls at the home where we’ll be serving.  A lot of these wouldn’t have been possible if I were married and/or had kids. 

Is every day a bright and sun shining day in the life of singleness?  Nope.  Some days flat out suck and hurt but there are so many that are fun because I can come and go as I please and serve where I feel called without have to worry about how it will effect my husband/kids.  Is every night filled with a party downtown or drinks by the river?  Nope.  Most end in sweats and TV or a book.  Do I long to get married and have a family?  Absolutely!  I look forward to being and serving along side my future husband and raising a family together, in whatever fashion God has in store.   

Let me end with this.  Am I “owed” marriage and a family?  No stinkin way!  The only thing that any of us are “owed” is hell but by the grace of God we can be free.  Looking through scripture there are so many people that didn’t live an easy life or a life of what they expected but they knew that our God was faithful and true.  A new friend recently preached on how God wounds us for His glory and our good, like a surgeon.  I immediately thought of my neck surgery.  It hurt, the recovery was tough and the scars are still there (along with all the others from the accident) but they are a testament to just how mighty our Creator is.  I know that it won’t be easy and that some days will suck just as much as the gloomy single days but God is still faithful and completes me. 

I rambled and ranted some in this but most of it is just about where God has me and what He’s doing…so let me embrace being a “single lady” and where God has me.  I have let myself worry about the future for too long in the past and I’m done allowing that to define me or make me happy.

Now what?  Live life to the fullest.  Be thankful for the gifts that God has so graciously given time and time again: salvation, forgiveness, redemption, grace, restoration, family, friends, employment, health, happiness and joy that can only be found in Him.  The list goes on but you get the idea by now.  J

Where Is Your Comfort Found?

It's a question that I'm going to intentionally ask myself daily.  Where is my comfort found?  The answer SHOULD be Jesus but to be honest, it's been food.  Food is something that I have developed a relationship with over the years.  And with that relationship, there's been a dependence and addiction formed.  Yep, addicted to food.  You may be wondering, "what kind of person gets addicted to food?" "What a weirdo..."  I really don't care if you think that or not.  Harsh?  Perhaps, but I've wasted entirely too much time in life being overly concerned with how others perceive me.  No more.  Sin, past, food, others, acceptance and etc do not define me.  Jesus does.  He was born and died for us all.  So the question is, why do we live as though it was menial? My body should be a temple.  God didn't send his one and only son to die on the cross for me to live like this....to be a slave to food or my selfish desires.  I owe it to Him to live a full life, bringing Him glory.

My blog is going to be a place to document this process again.  It offers a sense of accountability and is therapeutic in the way of letting thoughts go free.  I'm currently reading a book by Candace Cameron Bure called "Reshaping It ALL" and it's been convicting yet encouraging.  She quotes a lot of scripture and points out that we turn to food for comfort as opposed to Christ.  There's something to be said for willpower and living intentional.  "Change must begin with the transformation by the Spirit - the renewing of our minds." I have to continually be renewing my heart in Christ throughout the day, allowing Him to renew and change me.  With that, finding comfort in only Him. 

Why turn to food?  I'm still not entirely sure but looking back it seems as though I let the enjoyment found in food bring me comfort over the years when I would get sad, nervous, happy, mad or lonely.  It became an idol over time and I refused to accept it.  Choosing what and how much I hate gave me a sense of control when I knew other things weren't going like I had planned or hoped.  I have known the steps to take and even take them from time to time but then I find a way to opt out and I take it.  I allowed my past to define me and determine my future.  No more.  The past attempts are irrelevant.  What matters is turning this over to God and refusing to give into my flesh.  Easier said than done but it is more than possible.

1 Corinthians 9:27 says, "I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified."  I absolutely LOVE encouraging others and want to be able to help those that struggle.  While my goal is of course to look great, I want to be healthy and be able to honor God with my body because He has saved me physically on many occasions but most importantly, spiritually. 

This journey is going to be difficult and painful at times because I'll learn things about myself that God wants changed but to quote a line from a song that Kimberly and I wrote years back, "No one ever said it would be easy...."

Catching Up

Not sure if anyone reads this anymore, not that there has even been anything to read but it's still fun to "journal" on here. Life as of late...

It dawned on me last week that I have a life up here in Chattanooga. I've lived here for well over a year now (which is still odd at times to not be in Dalton) so I'm guessing it happened sometime after that. :) It was so fun being at the beach with my family (aside from the fact that I'm not the biggest fan of extended camping trips) but it was nice to come back and to see people that I've grown close to over the last (almost) 2 years. Some over just the last 6 months or so.

In October, a week after a the joyous union of Scott and Leslie (WOOOO HOOOOOOO-thoughts of that wedding and what God has done still bring me such joy), there were 11 of us that went to Blue Ridge for a weekend getaway. It was FABULOUS. Those that have children left them at home and we just went to have a relaxing time filled with laughter. After praying about that trip for a few months, it was evident that God answered those prayers. We laughed, played games, laughed, slept (a little) and laughed a little more. Below is the only group shot we took and a picture of all of us girls before we went out on Saturday night.


In December, a dear friend that God blessed me with last February, got married to a wonderful man. It was such a fun wedding party and that weekend was also filled with laughter, prayer and dancing! I was also fortunate to learn a little Spanish from some new friends that were with Mandy, the bride, in Peru while she served there for 2 years. This picture sums up Friday night and Saturday....all day. :)



All in all, 2011 ended in a fabulous manner. At times, I've become restless and weary because life isn't how I had planned it. Can I just say that I'm thankful that I don't get to plan it all out....sometimes that's easier said that actually lived out but it's true. If things were like I had originally intended or hoped, I probably wouldn't have met and grown close to some of the amazing men and women that God has brought into my life.

What does 2012 hold? Well, I'm glad you asked...Kimberly and Tony have a little one due in June so that is so stinkin exciting! Another good friend from college is expecting in May! Ladies, there must be something in the water so look out! One of my dear friends up here in Chattanooga got engaged this past Friday to a wonderful, God fearing man. So preparing for her wedding will be a blast! Two dear guy friends (the younger and older brothers I never wanted....at least that's what I tell them) will be marrying lovely young women who truly love the Lord so that will be a blessing as well.

I'll be facilitating our small group for a month or two (for one assessment/study) until God either brings a man to lead (I won't lead a co-ed group) or until we're supposed to dissolve into other groups. It's a wonderful peace to know that He's got it.

Here's to a new year, new opportunities and new perspectives. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

all over the place.

since when is this blog not sporadic?

10 lbs down....90 to go. But hey, I'm 1/10 of the way there! Over the next 11.5 weeks there are SO many things happening. The first event is a big move. God opened the door for me to move in with one of my best friends, Cara, at the end of this month. The way it has worked out has been nothing short of God. I am reminded quite often as to just how faithful He is. I remember singing "He's An On Time God" at the choir reunion and an tearing up as I think of the lyrics. He really is. The last few weeks, it has been evident to see his hand at work. I know that He's always at work in the world around us but it's such an encouragement to actually see it.

Keeping with the chaos, here's most of my schedule from now til the end of October. Just off the top of my head, there are 3 birthday celebrations, at least 1 bridal shower & 3 weddings. Not to mention, 2 weeks off of the phones at work (can I get a WHOO HOO?!?!) to help new hires in OJT (on the job training). That last part is kinda terrifying but a great opportunity. Those are just the things I can think of at the moment. It will all be great things, just a bit tiring/overwhelming at times.

At the end of that time span, I am so excited to say there is a trip planned and reserved for a weekend away with some very dear friends from Chattanooga. It's just a simple weekend in Blue Ridge, Ga. but I have to admit, that cabin is not too shabby. :)

Here's to apparently even more new beginnings and the joy of the Lord that has been revealed even more lately.

3 Down

Well, I officially started back to Weight Watchers on Tuesday, July 5. Seriously, who wants to start any type of diet or anything right before or on a holiday? Not this chick! The goal is to lose 100 lbs. Ugh, it bugs me to have to type that but it is what it is. Only thing to do from here is lose it. So 3 down and 97 to go. Gotta start somewhere.

Short and sweet...it is possible!

Repeat...New Beginnings...AGAIN!

It's no secret that consistency is something that I struggle with. Doubt me? Look at the track record but I won't point that out here....not the point. :) A while back I kept track of my weight loss goals and milestones and like many other things, that took a back seat to other things that seemed more captivating.

That being said, I will be using this blog as my sense of accountability with it. To keep track of the journey of getting unfat....again. Yes, I know unfat isn't a word but since when has that stopped me before? Some might view it as getting healthy and yes, that's the number one focus. To be healthy and in good shape. The goal is to do another half in January or February of 2012 but to get in that condition, it will require the start of training and losing weight. Sadly, they go hand in hand. :D

Lately, I've had a pity party in this aspect of my life. Allowing myself to feel defeated because I've completely reversed all the good done since 09. That was accepting the circumstance and not conquering. No more. That crap is for the birds. It doesn't define me. Christ defines me based on the sacrifice He made for our sins on the cross. The future doesn't define me (regardless of if I'm ever super thin, married, huge, single, etc). Matthew 6:33-34 is my new core verse. "³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

With that, it's not about the circumstances, it's about God's purpose & bringing glory to Him. Here's to becoming healthy and getting thin to accomplish more things that He has allowed me more time on this earth to do. To glorify Him in living life...in order to do that, being healthy is a must.

WOO HOO! Here's to new mercies and new opportunities. I have to believe....He's got it.

*Jen