Where Is Your Comfort Found?

It's a question that I'm going to intentionally ask myself daily.  Where is my comfort found?  The answer SHOULD be Jesus but to be honest, it's been food.  Food is something that I have developed a relationship with over the years.  And with that relationship, there's been a dependence and addiction formed.  Yep, addicted to food.  You may be wondering, "what kind of person gets addicted to food?" "What a weirdo..."  I really don't care if you think that or not.  Harsh?  Perhaps, but I've wasted entirely too much time in life being overly concerned with how others perceive me.  No more.  Sin, past, food, others, acceptance and etc do not define me.  Jesus does.  He was born and died for us all.  So the question is, why do we live as though it was menial? My body should be a temple.  God didn't send his one and only son to die on the cross for me to live like this....to be a slave to food or my selfish desires.  I owe it to Him to live a full life, bringing Him glory.

My blog is going to be a place to document this process again.  It offers a sense of accountability and is therapeutic in the way of letting thoughts go free.  I'm currently reading a book by Candace Cameron Bure called "Reshaping It ALL" and it's been convicting yet encouraging.  She quotes a lot of scripture and points out that we turn to food for comfort as opposed to Christ.  There's something to be said for willpower and living intentional.  "Change must begin with the transformation by the Spirit - the renewing of our minds." I have to continually be renewing my heart in Christ throughout the day, allowing Him to renew and change me.  With that, finding comfort in only Him. 

Why turn to food?  I'm still not entirely sure but looking back it seems as though I let the enjoyment found in food bring me comfort over the years when I would get sad, nervous, happy, mad or lonely.  It became an idol over time and I refused to accept it.  Choosing what and how much I hate gave me a sense of control when I knew other things weren't going like I had planned or hoped.  I have known the steps to take and even take them from time to time but then I find a way to opt out and I take it.  I allowed my past to define me and determine my future.  No more.  The past attempts are irrelevant.  What matters is turning this over to God and refusing to give into my flesh.  Easier said than done but it is more than possible.

1 Corinthians 9:27 says, "I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified."  I absolutely LOVE encouraging others and want to be able to help those that struggle.  While my goal is of course to look great, I want to be healthy and be able to honor God with my body because He has saved me physically on many occasions but most importantly, spiritually. 

This journey is going to be difficult and painful at times because I'll learn things about myself that God wants changed but to quote a line from a song that Kimberly and I wrote years back, "No one ever said it would be easy...."

Catching Up

Not sure if anyone reads this anymore, not that there has even been anything to read but it's still fun to "journal" on here. Life as of late...

It dawned on me last week that I have a life up here in Chattanooga. I've lived here for well over a year now (which is still odd at times to not be in Dalton) so I'm guessing it happened sometime after that. :) It was so fun being at the beach with my family (aside from the fact that I'm not the biggest fan of extended camping trips) but it was nice to come back and to see people that I've grown close to over the last (almost) 2 years. Some over just the last 6 months or so.

In October, a week after a the joyous union of Scott and Leslie (WOOOO HOOOOOOO-thoughts of that wedding and what God has done still bring me such joy), there were 11 of us that went to Blue Ridge for a weekend getaway. It was FABULOUS. Those that have children left them at home and we just went to have a relaxing time filled with laughter. After praying about that trip for a few months, it was evident that God answered those prayers. We laughed, played games, laughed, slept (a little) and laughed a little more. Below is the only group shot we took and a picture of all of us girls before we went out on Saturday night.


In December, a dear friend that God blessed me with last February, got married to a wonderful man. It was such a fun wedding party and that weekend was also filled with laughter, prayer and dancing! I was also fortunate to learn a little Spanish from some new friends that were with Mandy, the bride, in Peru while she served there for 2 years. This picture sums up Friday night and Saturday....all day. :)



All in all, 2011 ended in a fabulous manner. At times, I've become restless and weary because life isn't how I had planned it. Can I just say that I'm thankful that I don't get to plan it all out....sometimes that's easier said that actually lived out but it's true. If things were like I had originally intended or hoped, I probably wouldn't have met and grown close to some of the amazing men and women that God has brought into my life.

What does 2012 hold? Well, I'm glad you asked...Kimberly and Tony have a little one due in June so that is so stinkin exciting! Another good friend from college is expecting in May! Ladies, there must be something in the water so look out! One of my dear friends up here in Chattanooga got engaged this past Friday to a wonderful, God fearing man. So preparing for her wedding will be a blast! Two dear guy friends (the younger and older brothers I never wanted....at least that's what I tell them) will be marrying lovely young women who truly love the Lord so that will be a blessing as well.

I'll be facilitating our small group for a month or two (for one assessment/study) until God either brings a man to lead (I won't lead a co-ed group) or until we're supposed to dissolve into other groups. It's a wonderful peace to know that He's got it.

Here's to a new year, new opportunities and new perspectives. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

all over the place.

since when is this blog not sporadic?

10 lbs down....90 to go. But hey, I'm 1/10 of the way there! Over the next 11.5 weeks there are SO many things happening. The first event is a big move. God opened the door for me to move in with one of my best friends, Cara, at the end of this month. The way it has worked out has been nothing short of God. I am reminded quite often as to just how faithful He is. I remember singing "He's An On Time God" at the choir reunion and an tearing up as I think of the lyrics. He really is. The last few weeks, it has been evident to see his hand at work. I know that He's always at work in the world around us but it's such an encouragement to actually see it.

Keeping with the chaos, here's most of my schedule from now til the end of October. Just off the top of my head, there are 3 birthday celebrations, at least 1 bridal shower & 3 weddings. Not to mention, 2 weeks off of the phones at work (can I get a WHOO HOO?!?!) to help new hires in OJT (on the job training). That last part is kinda terrifying but a great opportunity. Those are just the things I can think of at the moment. It will all be great things, just a bit tiring/overwhelming at times.

At the end of that time span, I am so excited to say there is a trip planned and reserved for a weekend away with some very dear friends from Chattanooga. It's just a simple weekend in Blue Ridge, Ga. but I have to admit, that cabin is not too shabby. :)

Here's to apparently even more new beginnings and the joy of the Lord that has been revealed even more lately.

3 Down

Well, I officially started back to Weight Watchers on Tuesday, July 5. Seriously, who wants to start any type of diet or anything right before or on a holiday? Not this chick! The goal is to lose 100 lbs. Ugh, it bugs me to have to type that but it is what it is. Only thing to do from here is lose it. So 3 down and 97 to go. Gotta start somewhere.

Short and sweet...it is possible!

Repeat...New Beginnings...AGAIN!

It's no secret that consistency is something that I struggle with. Doubt me? Look at the track record but I won't point that out here....not the point. :) A while back I kept track of my weight loss goals and milestones and like many other things, that took a back seat to other things that seemed more captivating.

That being said, I will be using this blog as my sense of accountability with it. To keep track of the journey of getting unfat....again. Yes, I know unfat isn't a word but since when has that stopped me before? Some might view it as getting healthy and yes, that's the number one focus. To be healthy and in good shape. The goal is to do another half in January or February of 2012 but to get in that condition, it will require the start of training and losing weight. Sadly, they go hand in hand. :D

Lately, I've had a pity party in this aspect of my life. Allowing myself to feel defeated because I've completely reversed all the good done since 09. That was accepting the circumstance and not conquering. No more. That crap is for the birds. It doesn't define me. Christ defines me based on the sacrifice He made for our sins on the cross. The future doesn't define me (regardless of if I'm ever super thin, married, huge, single, etc). Matthew 6:33-34 is my new core verse. "³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

With that, it's not about the circumstances, it's about God's purpose & bringing glory to Him. Here's to becoming healthy and getting thin to accomplish more things that He has allowed me more time on this earth to do. To glorify Him in living life...in order to do that, being healthy is a must.

WOO HOO! Here's to new mercies and new opportunities. I have to believe....He's got it.

*Jen

HIS timing.

I find it humorous that I so often try to plan things out and try to imagine where I'll be down the road. Whether it's next week or next year, I really have no clue. A year ago, I was going to team meetings for a dear friend's Tres Dias weekend, working part time and going to school full time. Little did I know that a new friend would invite me to her small group about a week later and then so much would change. I was also still coming to terms with the fact that my file would be closed with the adoption reunion registry due to no response from either biological parent. Since then, I have a full time job in Chattanooga, a new church family, have met my biological mother (& the rest of our biological family on that side), spoken to my biological father on multiple occasions and have moved to Chattanooga and basically started a new life for myself...only by the grace and guidance of God.
Had someone told me a year ago that this is where I'd be, I would have laughed at them...a lot. It all comes down to HIS timing and HIS grace. That's the only explanation as to why I'm here now. Recently I have doubted the decision to move and questioned the reasons of this transition. Sadly, I must admit that I had let frustration set in on with where God has me. Ready for this? I'm not perfect and am far from it actually. Shocking, I know. :) It's mind blowing to sit back and think about the fact that He has a plan. Always has, always will. Not only does he have a plan, but it's not a plan that will change on a whim. With that, after some fit pitching and venting...and major needed time in the word, I'm making the choice to embrace what HIS timing has brought. Thankfully, He knows what He is doing. What's next? Don't as me. :)

Really?

It's been over a week since the letter was mailed and I can honestly tell you that I'm still amazed at what God has done and is continuing to do. He's had this entire situation worked out since before my birth.

I got a phone call last Friday afternoon and when I sit and think hard about it, I still cry a little. Good/happy tears though. The phone call was from my biological mother. It's still so hard to believe that I have now spoken with her multiple times. Everything has still been surreal until the last day or so. Yes, things are still sinking in but nerves are starting to make me very ancy(sp?).

I won't put too many personal details in but she did say she knew that day would always come. She ended up telling my older brother later that day and he received the news really well. Surprisingly, I got a message from his girlfriend just hours after I spoke to my biological mother and she's been so sweet! I've talked to both of them and it's been very encouraging. My older brother and I have mutual friends and it's all so funny to think about how we look so much alike but no one would have ever thought to put the pieces together.

It's comforting to know that my biological mother knew who I was my entire life, somehow. She basically kept tabs on me up until I moved...she even knew about my wreck. For so long I struggled with wondering why I was given up and I think that led to a lot of insecurities and fear of rejection growing up and even still today. That's just how my mind was twisting the reality. I found out when I was 17 as to why she gave me up and I'm forever grateful for what she did. It was the best thing for her, my bro. and me.

I'll be meeting my biological mother next Saturday for dinner and then the rest of her side of the family the following weekend. Am I nervous? Absofreakinlutely! But I know that things will be alright. God didn't bring us this far for things to unravel. Here's the more pieces fitting together!