I, like many of the rest of you, didn't sleep well last night. My heart physically aches for the families that lost loved ones yesterday and for those who were injured in Chattanooga. Hearing sirens isn't all that uncommon where I work since my office is located downtown but today I found myself cringing each time I heard them, hoping it hadn't happened again. I've found myself on the verge of tears on multiple occurrences today because of the evil in our world, nation and even our community.
I can't even begin to imagine what the families and friends of the fallen are going through right now. If you are currently suffering or now reliving a loss from yesterday's attacks, I am so deeply sorry and hope you know that you are prayed for. As yesterday unfolded, my heart sank more and more as I thought of friends with the Chattanooga Police, Hamilton County Sheriff Department, EMS and other County employees I get the pleasure of interacting with on a daily basis. The fear of "what if it was them" consumed me for a bit. May we not forget the fact that these men and women are daily striving to keep us safe...they are our heroes.
People have indicated their hatred for the one(s) behind the attack and I have to admit, it's hard to not choose that feeling. It's not what will make any of this go away. I've been so overwhelmed with how officials from Hamilton County, Chattanooga City and the FBI have handled things. Our park rangers and employees with parks & recreation shared their lunches with citizens and one another yesterday when everything went on lockdown. People checked on one another and went to give blood as soon as they could because they wanted to help and they wanted to love. This. This is what has to continue. We must band together as a community, as a family, to move forward and to encourage one another. I don't know how this will look going forward but I do know we still have a sovereign God who has NOT forgotten us or left us. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." He is near us as we all grieve as a community and as a nation.
May we walk in a peace that only God can envelop us in and a strength that only He can supply.
With Love,
Jenny
Friday, July 17, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
For The Women Who Aren't Moms on Mother's Day...You Matter, Too
Personally, I love Mother's Day because moms should be celebrated. They do so much for their husbands, children and communities in general. I have to admit though, when you don't have children (or a husband), you feel as though you don't measure up in a lot of ways in the big picture.
This post is for:
* The women who long to be a mother but it just hasn't happened yet. Whether you're married and unable to conceive or single and longing to have a family one day.
* The women who had children but have lost them in any sense of the word.
For the women who have tried without ceasing to conceive, my heart hurts for you. I never want to say "I know how you feel" because I don't. I don't have answers as to infertility or why some things just happen for some and not for others. What I do know is that you aren't defective because of that. You still have so much to give to those around you, possibly adopted children or little brothers/little sisters and etc. Just because you haven't become a mother yet, doesn't make you any less of a woman or less of an asset to society.
For the women who have lost a child, I can't fathom what you feel, especially this weekend. You poured your heart and soul into planning a future for that child. You bonded with, prayed for and pushed them to be their best. No one will ever replace them (whether you're separated by death, life decisions, a strained relationship, etc...). You aren't forgotten and you're certainly no less of a mother. If you haven't been told that you're loved recently, please know that you are.
For the single women who long to be a mom. To an extent, I get it. Sure, I'm only 30 but the clock ticks on occasion and it's so difficult to find a place to "fit in" when you're friends are getting married left and right and popping out babies. I can understand the conflict of being so happy for your friends but wondering just when you'll get the honor of being more than just the fun/crazy aunt. I'm sorry for the days you feel like you'll never know what it's like to have that child run to you or cry for you. I can't promise that you'll know that but I can promise that you still matter and still have a sweet joy of getting to pour into the lives of kids around you. Take it from Aunt Jen, it's actually quite fun to leave when the moods of the kids change and to not wake up in the middle of the night.
If Mother's Day is hard for you, know that you still matter and you still have a calling on your life. Live out your passion and pursue holiness along the way. You're still stunning and you do matter.
This post is for:
* The women who long to be a mother but it just hasn't happened yet. Whether you're married and unable to conceive or single and longing to have a family one day.
* The women who had children but have lost them in any sense of the word.
For the women who have tried without ceasing to conceive, my heart hurts for you. I never want to say "I know how you feel" because I don't. I don't have answers as to infertility or why some things just happen for some and not for others. What I do know is that you aren't defective because of that. You still have so much to give to those around you, possibly adopted children or little brothers/little sisters and etc. Just because you haven't become a mother yet, doesn't make you any less of a woman or less of an asset to society.
For the women who have lost a child, I can't fathom what you feel, especially this weekend. You poured your heart and soul into planning a future for that child. You bonded with, prayed for and pushed them to be their best. No one will ever replace them (whether you're separated by death, life decisions, a strained relationship, etc...). You aren't forgotten and you're certainly no less of a mother. If you haven't been told that you're loved recently, please know that you are.
For the single women who long to be a mom. To an extent, I get it. Sure, I'm only 30 but the clock ticks on occasion and it's so difficult to find a place to "fit in" when you're friends are getting married left and right and popping out babies. I can understand the conflict of being so happy for your friends but wondering just when you'll get the honor of being more than just the fun/crazy aunt. I'm sorry for the days you feel like you'll never know what it's like to have that child run to you or cry for you. I can't promise that you'll know that but I can promise that you still matter and still have a sweet joy of getting to pour into the lives of kids around you. Take it from Aunt Jen, it's actually quite fun to leave when the moods of the kids change and to not wake up in the middle of the night.
If Mother's Day is hard for you, know that you still matter and you still have a calling on your life. Live out your passion and pursue holiness along the way. You're still stunning and you do matter.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Life is Hard.
No matter what life stage you are in or age you are, it is a safe bet that you have had many ups and downs. Most of us have asked the question, "Why me?" at least once. Flunking out of college, losing a spouse, dealing with depression, losing a parent or child, breaking your neck, losing your job...I could go on but you get the idea, hopefully.
I mentioned before that no one ever said this life would be easy. In fact, if you are a believer, it is guaranteed to be difficult. Candace Cameron Bure said in Reshaping It All that, "Losing weight is hard; maintaining weight is hard; staying overweight is hard. Choose your hard." That can be applied to any part of life. Knowing that and applying it are two very different things though.
For some reason, we allow ourselves to strive and align to this imaginary timeline that says we have to reach certain points by certain ages. If we don't, we fail or are falling short in certain areas because of it. Heaven forbid it be because God has a different and much better plan for us. "Surely I'm doing something wrong because all of these other people are getting to experience these things." Ladies and gents, this is another lie. Where are we getting this timeline? Who said we have to be a college graduate? Who said we have to be married with kids by age 25? Ummm I'm 0 for 3 there and it's taken me a while to be okay with that. In all honesty, some days I still battle it. That is because I start comparing myself to others...again. We all need to stop and realize that the standard we look to is Christ and our commission is clear about making disciples and loving people where they are. We're all a work in progress. :)
I have friends that have lost jobs, spouses, parents, children and their reputation. Yet they still love Jesus. They know that life is hard and that what we are all owed is hell. It is only by the grace of God that we are able to get through this life day in and day out. We all have our own "hard" to face. It's how we respond and who or what we look to that really matters. If I put my worth and definition in my job, appearance, social status, significant other or future children, I am putting unnecessary pressure on those things and people while setting myself up for catastrophic disappointment.
I started writing this over a year ago. I had no clue as to what was in store and just what incredible experiences were ahead. There have been ups, downs, losses, wins and laughter galore. I shouldn't be surprised when things take a turn but in December, they did. I got a call from my missions coach and of was told that I'm not going to Italy (yet). Those reviewing my file said I have some medical things to work on and I later found out I need more experience under my belt. I get it, I do. My heart just hurt because of the rejection I felt. I had been told that they didn't see any way I wouldn't get appointed. My coach was shocked as well. I'm thrilled to tell you that I've seen glimpses of why I'm still here. God didn't owe me those but he chose to share them. The day my file was supposed to go before the missions board, God gave me the chance to pray with a former employee who is dying of cancer. There have been other opportunities as well that have no doubt been from The Lord. I'm grateful and excited that it's not the end of those. I'm able to talk about it now without crying (the week I was told wasn't pretty) and I know God has something He is preparing me for. It's not because I'm a failure and I don't have to have this all figured out (oh what a freedom)! So for now, I'll just keep moving forward where He has me and work on the things He has put before me. Easy? Nope. Worth it? Absofreakinlutely!
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
More Important Things
Before you proceed, please note that I am not judging anyone in this or condemning as it is not my place, nor my desire. Just an observation that broke my heart today.
We all gripe and complain about things that are "first world problems" or that others would be grateful for. We have moments of selfishness and longing for superficial affirmations. When is enough considered to enough already? Guys, we are so consumed in our own crap to even care that brothers and sisters in Christ are losing their lives at the hands of Isis and other groups that hate Christianity, joy, family unions, etc.
I was scrolling through my Facebook mini feed and saw some posts from Buzzfeed about how One Direction is trending and people are freaking out about one of the guys leaving the group. By freaking out I mean LOSING THEIR MINDS! You know what? That's his choice...let the young man live his life and deal with his stuff. He wasn't created to complete you. Yes, the guys are talented but IT'S A GROUP. It's not a life or death situation for their fans. As my friend Hannah would say, "RELAX." I've been trying to watch my language, even in humor, as of late or else I would add in my own extra words with hers. :) I'm not saying you shouldn't be bummed but let's have/use some perspective here. We aren't devastated over our own sin (I'm saying we because I'm soooooo guilty) but we are devastated about trivial things that don't determine salvation. It's been a day full of gut checks for me.
It's happened through the generations...fans crying because they're seeing their favorite artist or group. Mom saw Elvis when she was in college (I know, right?!) and she said girls were sobbing and fighting over his scarves. Heck, I'll admit, I get giddy when I get to see Straight No Chaser and Ed Sheeran but even I have limits. People panicked when they saw other boy bands over the years but I just don't get it. There's more to life...many more important things. I get being disappointed in changes and whatnot but we should be sobbing uncontrollably over the people being murdered, children being sold into sex slavery and those dying to addictions. We need a revival and we need it now. We need Jesus.
I know, the news is depressing but it's good and healthy to be aware as to what is going on around you in your town and in your world. There are missionaries leaving daily to go to distant parts of the world that need our prayers and our support. There are people in our towns suffering from loss, depression and much worse that need to see the love of Jesus. There's something that everyone can do. Pray for where you should serve and how you can support those around you and around the world. I'm about to purchase the book, "Defying Isis" that was written by a former college pastor, Johnnie Moore. He's a gifted communicator with a heart that yearns for his brothers and sisters overseas. Check it out.
Again, I said this in love and out of heartbreak. Let's stop pitching tantrums about One Direction, who will go on, and start praying for those that are literally suffering and dying.
We all gripe and complain about things that are "first world problems" or that others would be grateful for. We have moments of selfishness and longing for superficial affirmations. When is enough considered to enough already? Guys, we are so consumed in our own crap to even care that brothers and sisters in Christ are losing their lives at the hands of Isis and other groups that hate Christianity, joy, family unions, etc.
I was scrolling through my Facebook mini feed and saw some posts from Buzzfeed about how One Direction is trending and people are freaking out about one of the guys leaving the group. By freaking out I mean LOSING THEIR MINDS! You know what? That's his choice...let the young man live his life and deal with his stuff. He wasn't created to complete you. Yes, the guys are talented but IT'S A GROUP. It's not a life or death situation for their fans. As my friend Hannah would say, "RELAX." I've been trying to watch my language, even in humor, as of late or else I would add in my own extra words with hers. :) I'm not saying you shouldn't be bummed but let's have/use some perspective here. We aren't devastated over our own sin (I'm saying we because I'm soooooo guilty) but we are devastated about trivial things that don't determine salvation. It's been a day full of gut checks for me.
It's happened through the generations...fans crying because they're seeing their favorite artist or group. Mom saw Elvis when she was in college (I know, right?!) and she said girls were sobbing and fighting over his scarves. Heck, I'll admit, I get giddy when I get to see Straight No Chaser and Ed Sheeran but even I have limits. People panicked when they saw other boy bands over the years but I just don't get it. There's more to life...many more important things. I get being disappointed in changes and whatnot but we should be sobbing uncontrollably over the people being murdered, children being sold into sex slavery and those dying to addictions. We need a revival and we need it now. We need Jesus.
I know, the news is depressing but it's good and healthy to be aware as to what is going on around you in your town and in your world. There are missionaries leaving daily to go to distant parts of the world that need our prayers and our support. There are people in our towns suffering from loss, depression and much worse that need to see the love of Jesus. There's something that everyone can do. Pray for where you should serve and how you can support those around you and around the world. I'm about to purchase the book, "Defying Isis" that was written by a former college pastor, Johnnie Moore. He's a gifted communicator with a heart that yearns for his brothers and sisters overseas. Check it out.
Again, I said this in love and out of heartbreak. Let's stop pitching tantrums about One Direction, who will go on, and start praying for those that are literally suffering and dying.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Why Did I Wait So Long?
I would be lying if I said I hadn't freaked out at times when I thought about turning 30. Is it old? Nope, but it's a milestone birthday. It's the start of a new decade and I've said before that I'm not at all where I had planned to be but lately I've really enjoyed it.
It's taken years to get to this point but I'm grateful. Is every day easy? No, life isn't perfect for anyone. And on those hard days, I will be honest and say that it takes every ounce of willpower not to hit a 20 year old that tells me, "oh girl, I know waiting is hard." We all know that I'm not the best at using my filter on a good day so you know it's grace that keeps my mouth shut then. And yes, I know we all have experience with waiting whether it be for a job, a miracle, healing, reconciliation, marriage, babies, etc. Each season is hard though and I'm learning that more and more each passing day. My married friends have to constantly work on communication, respect and boundaries. Adding children to that mix is even more chaotic and then there's work stresses, church responsibilities and etc. I actually have it really easy right now from the way I see it.
For some reason, I took on these expectations of how I thought life should look and where I should be by specific ages and life stages. I was so naïve about it. I felt like I couldn't fully live until I was married or had reached some great timeline marking. Yep, again with that dang timeline. Where did it come from? Disney? Maybe. My own expectations of a picture perfect life? Probably a mixture of that mixed with society and the dreams of a little girl that somehow took over. I lost sight of myself in the longing of getting to new and better phases in life. Most importantly, I lost sight of God and what he would want for me. I'm not owed anything but hell and it's only by His grace that I can even begin to walk in grace, knowing that I get to spend eternity with Him.
As silly as this may sound, I thought I wouldn't be able to do big things without a husband. Foolish, right? I know I'm not the only one that has faced this though. We all feel like we aren't supposed to do certain things until we reach specific marks. Stop it. We have people that love and support us not just for who we are but in spite of that. I'm over being stuck in ruts because of the lacking I thought I had. Some very dear friends (Kimber, Hannah, Em & Ashton) along with my precious family threw me one heck of a 30th birthday celebration and I was so happy to not have to worry about having a significant other there. I can enjoy where I am because of God's goodness. Not because of a circumstance that I do or do not have. Life is a gift and it's time to fully live it. Not because of this milestone but because it's why I'm here. To love people where they are and to pour into their lives and He has poured into mine through the incredible people that He's allowed me to know.
I got to thank some of those sweet friends this weekend for being part of that healing process. They've shown me that we are loved no matter where we are in life. Their sacrificed time, finances, creativity and etc. spoke volumes to me about the fact that I am worth something and that I'm not defined by those things I looked to for so long. I'm happy, grateful and overwhelmed by the overflowing of love that I've seen and experienced over my 30 years and have had to repent for being so blinded by my own plans and expectations.
What is it that you have always wanted to do but felt like you couldn't or weren't' supposed to because of a status or lack there of? Go do it. You'll regret it if you don't.
It's taken years to get to this point but I'm grateful. Is every day easy? No, life isn't perfect for anyone. And on those hard days, I will be honest and say that it takes every ounce of willpower not to hit a 20 year old that tells me, "oh girl, I know waiting is hard." We all know that I'm not the best at using my filter on a good day so you know it's grace that keeps my mouth shut then. And yes, I know we all have experience with waiting whether it be for a job, a miracle, healing, reconciliation, marriage, babies, etc. Each season is hard though and I'm learning that more and more each passing day. My married friends have to constantly work on communication, respect and boundaries. Adding children to that mix is even more chaotic and then there's work stresses, church responsibilities and etc. I actually have it really easy right now from the way I see it.
For some reason, I took on these expectations of how I thought life should look and where I should be by specific ages and life stages. I was so naïve about it. I felt like I couldn't fully live until I was married or had reached some great timeline marking. Yep, again with that dang timeline. Where did it come from? Disney? Maybe. My own expectations of a picture perfect life? Probably a mixture of that mixed with society and the dreams of a little girl that somehow took over. I lost sight of myself in the longing of getting to new and better phases in life. Most importantly, I lost sight of God and what he would want for me. I'm not owed anything but hell and it's only by His grace that I can even begin to walk in grace, knowing that I get to spend eternity with Him.
As silly as this may sound, I thought I wouldn't be able to do big things without a husband. Foolish, right? I know I'm not the only one that has faced this though. We all feel like we aren't supposed to do certain things until we reach specific marks. Stop it. We have people that love and support us not just for who we are but in spite of that. I'm over being stuck in ruts because of the lacking I thought I had. Some very dear friends (Kimber, Hannah, Em & Ashton) along with my precious family threw me one heck of a 30th birthday celebration and I was so happy to not have to worry about having a significant other there. I can enjoy where I am because of God's goodness. Not because of a circumstance that I do or do not have. Life is a gift and it's time to fully live it. Not because of this milestone but because it's why I'm here. To love people where they are and to pour into their lives and He has poured into mine through the incredible people that He's allowed me to know.
I got to thank some of those sweet friends this weekend for being part of that healing process. They've shown me that we are loved no matter where we are in life. Their sacrificed time, finances, creativity and etc. spoke volumes to me about the fact that I am worth something and that I'm not defined by those things I looked to for so long. I'm happy, grateful and overwhelmed by the overflowing of love that I've seen and experienced over my 30 years and have had to repent for being so blinded by my own plans and expectations.
What is it that you have always wanted to do but felt like you couldn't or weren't' supposed to because of a status or lack there of? Go do it. You'll regret it if you don't.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Fear: The Other 4 Letter F Word
Yep. I went there.
Fear is a liar and a foul word. It's used by Satan to bring us to paralyze or put us in a corner of solitude and shame so that no one and nothing can encourage us. It's something that brings pain in every outlet because of how much we want to hide what we are afraid of. We limit ourselves because of our fears all too often. Think about it...we don't say things in relationships because we are afraid of how our significant other will react. We don't do something we are called to because we are terrified of failure. We choose to move forward half heartedly living our lives because we are afraid that we will let someone down or that we won't meet their standard of approval. Think about the things you have wanted to do and felt like God was calling you to but were too afraid to step out into. See, it's paralyzing and flat out sucks.
What's the common denominator here? It's the fact that we're looking to other people for that affirmation, approval and encouragement. I will be the first to admit that I am guilty as can be with this. The older I have gotten, the more I've realized I fear more than I used to. There's a fear of growing old all by myself and let me tell you, that's the worst nightmare of an extrovert who has the top love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I am also terrified of failing at anything I set out to do. College wasn't my strong suit and from that, I have developed the mindset of thinking I won't be able to finish I try...again. Then there's the fear that my past and the decisions I still fall prey to at times will prevent me from truly moving forward and becoming the woman God created me to be. Again I say, fear is a liar. It shouldn't define us but push us to the foot of the cross so we can rest in truth.
All of that fear is a result of not trusting God with each and every part of my life. I'm broken, sinful, and absolutely terrified of screwing up, especially when I leave for Italy but the beauty of this is....it's not up to me. It's up to Christ to continuously redeem me from who I once was to who He has planned for me to be. Yes, sins have consequences and those stay with us but thankfully there's nothing that we do that screws up God's plan. He isn't surprised or caught off guard by our failures and we see that in Romans 5:8, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He loves us and created us to walk in confidence that He will provide, redeem, restore and save. There's a freedom in that. Oh what joy! The following verse is something I've been trying to dwell on these past few weeks and my prayer is that it encourages you like it has me. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). He guards our hearts and minds and gives us the peace that we so desperately long for.
What is it you're afraid of? As cliché as it may sound, ask Christ to show you how to move forward and break away from the bondage of that fear and to stop using the F word. Walk in the light of the beautiful cross and the salvation of who God is. Is it easy? No way but it's worth the journey because we are not in it alone. He's on our side. Look back at your life and see that He's never let you down. He's protected, provided and consistently forgiven and restored. No need for fear.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
The Last To Know...
Over the last several years I have struggled with singleness and
wondering why The Lord hasn't brought anyone to my life. I also fought
the ever changing world around me wondering why I was still in the same
sort of stage. Funny thing is, I've had it pretty good but I tried to
put myself on a timeline based on worldly comparisons and expectations.
I made so many mistakes out of selfishness, anger and sometimes just
flat out disobedience. Mistakes that hurt others and ruined my
effectiveness as a witness and a believer. Thankfully, those didn't
make the blood of Christ null and void. Thank God that while he is
just, he is a redeemer, restorer, healer, father, pursuer and so much
more. Are there consequences to our choices? Absolutely! The good
thing is, they ultimately end up being for His glory and our joy. He
makes all things, yes...even the vilest being...new! This whole time, I
somehow began to believe he was preventing me from certain things
because of the sins I had committed but that was a lie straight from the
pit of hell. He wasn't prohibiting
or preventing, he was protecting and preparing! How glorious is that?
In spite of my bratty laments or foolish and selfish sins, He was still
preparing and protecting me for something. Oh what love! I
didn't see the big picture and still don't but I know that His plan is
good, His love is deep and His grace never ending. I'm thankful that
I'm single and have no kids because there is a freedom that I have
currently that I'm honestly not ready to give up. I long to go, long to
love, long to push others to Christ and to show them that there is
worth to their life because of who He is.
Last Summer, my family and I went to Costa Rica and coming home was difficult. I don't feel called there but it broke my heart to leave the girls we met and got to love on there. There was something stirred in my heart while we were there. Getting to have that happen with my family made it all the more incredible. It was after that, when Bea asked me to go to Russia because she didn't want to be the only girl. I said no multiple times but my sister told me I should pray about it before actually saying that. She made a good point and as God would have it, I joined the team and went to Russia with the Earl Brackin Band. OH.MY.GOODNESS. It felt like home. Not the place necessarily but what we were doing. We got to really talk to people and find out who they were, what they were about and show them positive attention and get them connected to church plants around the world. I'll admit that the group I was with made it all the sweeter due to the laughter and was constant and the teamwork that was fluid. I will always cherish that trip and those people. I kid you not, I'm tearing up right now as I type because of the memories.
Coming home was harder than I had anticipated because I realized more about my purpose while in Russia. It's something we are all called to do on a daily basis but in various forms. To love people and to point them to Christ. There are different ways to show that love such as the 5 love languages and even some extras like sarcasm. Yes, that is one. You'll never convince me otherwise so don't even try. Ok, back on topic....missions. Talking to strangers has always been pretty easy for me. As a toddler I asked a total stranger for a bite of their ice cream and that led to my parents purchasing a wrist leash to make sure I stayed near them at all times. Those of you who have met me aren't the least bit shocked, are you? Heck, even my own sister took me with her when she would run errands so I would be her buffer of sorts.
This may make me sound like a horrible person or a "bad Christian" but I never wanted to be a missionary. I thoroughly enjoy a life of comfort and the occasional massage and pedicure. I like being able to go out with friends and just make the most of my time with them. I love to get dolled up occasionally and just go out on the town or catch the occasional concert. It's not about my wants though. That's a lesson I'm learning daily...sometimes minute by minute. Since Russia though, there has been a void of sorts. Why? Because I was doing what I was created for. Some may ask why I can't push people to Jesus in the USA and I'll answer that by saying it's something I strive for and have felt an urgency to do with life in general. I just know there's a call for cross-cultural missions so that's what I'm moving towards. That's one of the coming steps...I was just the last to know. :)
Apparently mom has known for a while this is what I would do. Dad said he didn't know for sure but isn't shocked and Tammy has consistently encouraged me to pursue God's calling and to apply with the organization I'm in the process with for placement. There are so many other people that I have sincere respect for that have encouraged me in this and affirmed it and I have to admit, it has been like a common grace and has comforted me as I try to navigate this whole journey (I would love to list them all but fear I would accidentally leave someone out). I even have friends that aren't believers who have said they aren't shocked. Like I said...I was the last to know. In the coming weeks and months, I'll be posting about the next steps and the goodness of God with this process as things become more solidified and official. So here's to the life, death and resurrection of Christ, the pursuit of The Lord and the aid of The Holy Spirit as we all press into Him.
Last Summer, my family and I went to Costa Rica and coming home was difficult. I don't feel called there but it broke my heart to leave the girls we met and got to love on there. There was something stirred in my heart while we were there. Getting to have that happen with my family made it all the more incredible. It was after that, when Bea asked me to go to Russia because she didn't want to be the only girl. I said no multiple times but my sister told me I should pray about it before actually saying that. She made a good point and as God would have it, I joined the team and went to Russia with the Earl Brackin Band. OH.MY.GOODNESS. It felt like home. Not the place necessarily but what we were doing. We got to really talk to people and find out who they were, what they were about and show them positive attention and get them connected to church plants around the world. I'll admit that the group I was with made it all the sweeter due to the laughter and was constant and the teamwork that was fluid. I will always cherish that trip and those people. I kid you not, I'm tearing up right now as I type because of the memories.
Coming home was harder than I had anticipated because I realized more about my purpose while in Russia. It's something we are all called to do on a daily basis but in various forms. To love people and to point them to Christ. There are different ways to show that love such as the 5 love languages and even some extras like sarcasm. Yes, that is one. You'll never convince me otherwise so don't even try. Ok, back on topic....missions. Talking to strangers has always been pretty easy for me. As a toddler I asked a total stranger for a bite of their ice cream and that led to my parents purchasing a wrist leash to make sure I stayed near them at all times. Those of you who have met me aren't the least bit shocked, are you? Heck, even my own sister took me with her when she would run errands so I would be her buffer of sorts.
This may make me sound like a horrible person or a "bad Christian" but I never wanted to be a missionary. I thoroughly enjoy a life of comfort and the occasional massage and pedicure. I like being able to go out with friends and just make the most of my time with them. I love to get dolled up occasionally and just go out on the town or catch the occasional concert. It's not about my wants though. That's a lesson I'm learning daily...sometimes minute by minute. Since Russia though, there has been a void of sorts. Why? Because I was doing what I was created for. Some may ask why I can't push people to Jesus in the USA and I'll answer that by saying it's something I strive for and have felt an urgency to do with life in general. I just know there's a call for cross-cultural missions so that's what I'm moving towards. That's one of the coming steps...I was just the last to know. :)
Apparently mom has known for a while this is what I would do. Dad said he didn't know for sure but isn't shocked and Tammy has consistently encouraged me to pursue God's calling and to apply with the organization I'm in the process with for placement. There are so many other people that I have sincere respect for that have encouraged me in this and affirmed it and I have to admit, it has been like a common grace and has comforted me as I try to navigate this whole journey (I would love to list them all but fear I would accidentally leave someone out). I even have friends that aren't believers who have said they aren't shocked. Like I said...I was the last to know. In the coming weeks and months, I'll be posting about the next steps and the goodness of God with this process as things become more solidified and official. So here's to the life, death and resurrection of Christ, the pursuit of The Lord and the aid of The Holy Spirit as we all press into Him.
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